Commentary:
Breaking up with your stylist takes more negotiation skills than a peace treaty 💇♀️✂️🤝
90 Funny break quotes
Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.
Commentary:
Trying to explain to my boss why I need a break to strategize my snack heists, but they’re just not nibbling… 🥨🥷⌛
Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.
Commentary:
Respawning in the dating game with less health and no cheat codes! 🎮❤️🩹✨
I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”
Commentary:
If we could DM for breakup details, popcorn sales would skyrocket 🍿😂📩
The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.
Commentary:
Achieving "Master of Zen and the Art of Couch Surfing" isn't just a skill, it's a lifestyle 🧘♂️✨🛋️
Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.
Commentary:
Looks like my auto-reply is on vacation too! 🌴📧✈️
Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”
Commentary:
Ah, the nostalgia of sick days: where you could time travel from bed straight to the school cafeteria! 🛌⏰🥪
Show me another rule so I can break that one too.
Commentary:
Another rule? Just call me the "Rule-ette"! 😜🚦💥
Social media needs to crash for like a year so everybody can snap back into reality.
Commentary:
Imagine the world collectively trying to remember how to do small talk without emojis… 😂📵🌍
Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.
Commentary:
Pasta crime alert 🚨 Breaking spaghetti? That's a pasta-tastrophe! 🍝🤣