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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Just seen a guy with a Coca-Cola and yellow Lay’s chips. Classic combo, he knows his stuff.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,326

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

Just shared via Messenger:

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Grok just sounds like something that might try to eat me.

Freshly posted on X:

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

Making waves on WeChat:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

Just landed via Messenger:

Sorry for how I acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Honestly, I can see why God flooded the Earth that one time.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

Trending via Slack:

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

14 Funny chase quotes

Funny chase quotes 🏃‍♂️💨 bring a burst of laughter to those moments when life feels like a wild pursuit! Whether you’re chasing dreams, friends, or just the last slice of pizza 🍕, these witty lines capture the hilarious chaos of the chase. Get ready to smile, giggle, and maybe even sprint after some fun with these clever and playful sayings! 😂✨

New funny chase quotes 👇

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

22 hours ago

chase, done, funny situation, house, humor, i, never, open, parenting, parkour, Sharpie, situation, through, toddler
Telling men I have a boyfriend doesn’t chase them away anymore, so I’ve started telling them I have a child.

1 day ago

away, boyfriend, chase, child, dating, flirting, humor, i, men, rejection, relationship, started, telling
time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

2 weeks ago

chase, chasing, fear, healing, humor, joke, knife, me, pain, time, wound, wounds, wrong
Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

2 months ago

animal, animal chase, chase, chased, chicken, childhood, complete, dog, even, funny memory, goat, memory, worse
The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

2 months ago

advice, biology, chase, dating, egg, girl, humor, man, never, relationship, relationship advice, sperm, swim
Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

2 months ago

activity, around, butterfly, butterfly net, chase, chasing, fun, fun activity, got, hr, humor, me, net, work, workplace, workplace humor, zoomy
I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

2 months ago

carrot, cart, chase, chasing, determination, direction, effort, humor, humor in effort, i, lighthearted, mind, motivation, playful, pursuit, same
If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

2 months ago

activity, chase, chasing, definitely, exercise, humor, joke, laughter, me, playful, run, running, should, something, too
You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

2 months ago

animal, better, chance, chase, dog, getting, humor, joke, me, playful, playful threat, sarcasm, threat
I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

2 months ago

chase, humor, me, murderer, outrun, reassurance, safety

For even more funny chase quotes, hit next 👇

All funny chase quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on X this month:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

81 shares on WeChat this month:

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

92 shares on X this month:

Drivers seem to underestimate how willing I am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

22 shares on Threads this month:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

44 shares on Threads this month:

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Stages of Christmas shopping: 1. There’s plenty of time. 2. Oh no!

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Pilots lowkey have an aura when they walk past you in the airport.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,622

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I’m officially at the age where I enjoy when people cancel plans.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Why are so many people going everywhere whenever I have to go anywhere?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Making waves on Telegram:

Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m so hungry, I could eat my own cooking.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

Shared recently on Threads:

Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

Going viral on TikTok:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

Freshly posted on X:

Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

Making waves on YouTube:

Your annoying online persona has captured my heart.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Crazy how many organs in your body are dedicated to the poopification of dinner.

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