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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΆπŸ‡¦ has copied:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has downloaded:

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡΄ has copied:

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

Respect people who wear glasses because they paid money to see you.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ό has bookmarked:

Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ί has viewed:

Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡­ has copied:

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡­ has viewed:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡· has copied:

You gotta ask people nowadays, are you single single, mad at your partner single, blocked single or single just in your head.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,713

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Shared recently on WeChat:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

Going viral on X:

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

Shared recently on Slack:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Seen just now on X:

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

Just landed via TikTok:

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

Making waves on Messenger:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Freshly posted on Threads:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Body by sandwich.

59 Funny clothes quotes

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Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Facebook this month:

β€œThe average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

My greatest flaw is that I will try any specialty lemonade. 90% of them are nearly undrinkable, but I persevere.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

Why am I scrolling? What am I searching for?

39 shares on Twitch this month:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Trending Topics πŸ“

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Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Having a nicotine addiction is basically just adding a new base layer to Maslow’s hierarchy for no reason.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

This is your sign to cancel all work meetings today.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Uber sends notifications like “Hey, want to take an Uber right now?” No thanks, buddy. It’s more for when I need to go somewhere.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,483

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡° has copied:

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

Outside letting mosquitoes get some of this.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ή has shared:

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡° has downloaded:

Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡­ has shared:

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡³ has viewed:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ has shared:

My theory is that women’s voices contain frequencies that men simply can’t hear.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡· has copied:

Save money by accidentally forgetting your wallet at home. Follow me for more financial tips and tricks.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Breaking via LinkedIn:

AirPods are hungry for earwax. It’s your job to feed them.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Not gonna lie, I just assume everyone is AI now.

Going viral on Twitch:

They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Seen just now on Slack:

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m about to start telling people, β€œAs long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Long-term relationship? Like Tom and Jerry?

Going viral on Slack:

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

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