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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

If you watch soccer backwards, it’s about 11 sad and 11 happy men who nag each other until they get along eventually.

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m starting to understand the distant uncle.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Going out on Friday night will always be better than going out on a Saturday night.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Shared recently on YouTube:

People will say “sounds good” at work when things don’t sound good at all.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Making waves on Facebook:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Live now on WeChat:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Breaking via Facebook:

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

48 Funny complaint quotes

More funny complaint quotes 👇

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

1 month ago

aging, am, bathroom, complaint, forty, frustration, going, humor, i, should, sick, time, tired
Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

1 month ago

complaint, fast, fast food, food, fry, humor, McDonald’s, needs, road, salt, SALTS, seasoning
Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

2 months ago

attitude, complaint, hear, humor, i, manic, Monday, want
My most boomer complaint is that nobody knows how to bring an item out of courtesy to parties anymore.

2 months ago

behavior, boomer, bring, complaint, courtesy, etiquette, item, knows, most, nobody, party, social, social behavior
No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

2 months ago

complaint, defense, hr, HR complaint, humor, legal, me, office, workplace
I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

2 months ago

cake, complaint, expense, expensive, fat, humor, i, life, lived, longer, people, pet, pets, weight, wish
I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

2 months ago

calling, complaint, dog, dogs, glizzy, hate, hot, hot dog, humor, i, know, language, need, people, slang, stop
“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

2 months ago

being, budget, complaint, cost, dollars, everything, expense, frustration, getting, heat, money, temperature, tired, weather
Hey, if the Earth could stop air frying me, that’d be great.

2 months ago

air, air frying, complaint, Earth, exaggeration, frying, great, heat, humor, me, stop, weather
I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

2 months ago

accounting, complaint, diss, diss track, got, humor, i, invoicing, issue, issues, job, jobs, let, music, poorly, rhyme, sick, solve, track, us, wish, workplace

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All funny complaint quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on WeChat this month:

Parents will give you a lecture about fake friends and then get scammed by their own siblings.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

63 shares on Slack this month:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

23 shares on Discord this month:

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

He took my last fry, your honor.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Be the reason someone burns sage.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

“Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Resting bitch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be part of.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Just shared via YouTube:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Trending via Twitch:

Imagine hating me, and I’m not even paying attention.

Just landed via TikTok:

“There’s a reason religion tells you your reward is after death; it keeps you quiet while you’re being exploited alive.”

Shared recently on Slack:

There are some websites where my password management strategy is to just hit “Forgot my password” every time I need to log in.

Just landed via Messenger:

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

Spotted on Facebook:

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

Activity Log ✨

48 Funny complaint quotes

More funny complaint quotes 👇

All funny complaint quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨