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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

The biggest first-world problem is having your favorite makeup product be discontinued.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

My husband has entered the “fun socks” years.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Just paid my rent, now I have a warm place to starve in.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

3,940

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

Just landed via TikTok:

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

Just shared via X:

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Spotted on WeChat:

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Trending via Snapchat:

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

Freshly posted on Discord:

NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

Funny construction quotes

Funny construction quotes bring a hard hat full of laughs to the job site 🛠️😂 Whether you’re a builder, DIY enthusiast, or just love clever wordplay, these witty lines nail the humor in hammering, measuring, and all things construction 🏗️🤣 Ready to build your smile one joke at a time? Let’s dig into some side-splitting sayings that make even the toughest projects feel lighter! 😄👷‍♂️

New funny construction quotes 👇

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

0

3 hours ago

always, construction, hammer, humor, i, joke, left, phrase, pun, say, time, work
Maybe Rome was built in a day. I wasn’t there.

0

2 months ago

built, construction, day, history, humor, i, maybe, Rome, sarcasm, time
I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

0

2 months ago

confusion, construction, humor, i, know, next, next steps, questions, steps, understand, understanding
Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.

0

2 months ago

building, built, came, construction, exorcist, house, humor, just, poorly, poorly built, possession
Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

0

2 months ago

car, construction, cornfield, deer, driving, forgot, front, humor, jump, just, life, lot, Midwest, people, quirks, regional, regional quirks, road, road construction, rural, rural life, sick, small, small town, thinking, town, weather
I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

0

2 months ago

appearance, burger, Burger King, construction, fast, fast food, food, humor, just, king, McDonald’s, never, observation, seen, show, surprise, under
I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

0

2 months ago

construction, doing, good, i, job, know, me, meant, today, walking, yell
I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

0

2 months ago

construction, day, historical, historical reference, humor, i, job, know, reference, Rome, sarcasm, wit

All funny construction quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

74 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love when women move on. It’s my favourite genre.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

So, does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis, or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate-induced disasters?

21 shares on WeChat this month:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

64 shares on Slack this month:

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

16 folks are currently checking 👀

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,911

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

My lips could use some attention today.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Messenger:

Adulting is realizing Monday is a better ‘off day’ than Friday.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Making waves on Messenger:

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Love when people summon Grok and there’s no reply. He just doesn’t care sometimes.

Just landed via Threads:

Eating nothing but beer for a month and calling that Oktoberfast.

Spreading quickly via X:

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

Making waves on Messenger:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Just landed via Discord:

If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

Seen just now on Threads:

I hope the babies I was born with at the hospital are doing good.

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