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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

How do I un-know people?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Y’all liking my posts feels like a little forehead kiss.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,503

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Remember when a series of unfortunate events was a book and not your life?

Going viral on Threads:

Behind every great tweet is a person rolling their eyes.

Just landed via Snapchat:

They say that 50 is the new 40, but these traffic police are having none of it.

Freshly posted on X:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

Just landed via TikTok:

Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m doing a challenge called ‘November’ — it’s where I just try to get through every day in the month of November.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

Breaking via Twitch:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are…

1 month ago

actually, dating, girl, girls, guy, guys, honesty, humor, just, love, nice, nice guy, personality, relationship, think
Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

1 month ago

communication, dating, dumb, humor, i, intelligence, know, loud, me, modern, modern dating, nude, nudes, outdated, reading, send, video
Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

1 month ago

actually, attraction, communication, crush, dating, easy, flirting, humor, love, nervousness, relationship, someone
It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

1 month ago

attraction, attractive, attractive person, awkward, awkward moment, crush, dating, fear, humor, moment, OMG, person, scary
I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

1 month ago

compliment, dating, deleted, Google, humor, i, love, met, online, online search, over, relationship, search
The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

1 month ago

dating, enough, finding, hard, health, humor, illness, life, mental, mental health, mental illness, mentally, relationship, ruin, someone, understand, understanding
Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

1 month ago

activity, along, app, apps, base, baseball, baseball game, beer, dating, dating app, dog, dogs, drinking, eating, first base, game, hot, hot dog, humor, line, social, social activity, start, time, working
More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

1 month ago

babe, candlelight, communication, dating, gaslight, humor, less, light, relationship, sarcasm
I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

1 month ago

awkwardness, casual, dating, eat, eating, flirt, fresh, fruit, humor, i, know, me, playful, summer, sundress, watch
Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

1 month ago

cheating, dating, faithfulness, female, fidelity, healthy, healthy relationship, humor, irony, ones, relationship, relationships, toxic, toxic relationship

For even more funny dating quotes, hit next 👇

All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on X this month:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

All I’m saying is that at first I am shy and then I become a podcast.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

31 shares on Threads this month:

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

97 shares on WeChat this month:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and share if you agree.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s. You now pay for 7 streaming services, only use 4 and can’t remember the password to any of them.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I’m going back to the 90s, if anyone wants to come.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

Just landed via Instagram:

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

Spotted on Discord:

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

Breaking via WhatsApp:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Just shared via Facebook:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Activity Log ✨

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨