313 Funny ever quotes

Funny ever quotes are like the confetti of language, sprinkling a little buzz into the mundane. They’re the cheeky winks from history’s class clowns, the verbal high-fives that transform dull moments into laugh-out-loud memories. Whether you’re seeking a giggle, a snort, or a full-on belly laugh, these gems are your go-to. So grab your favorite beverage, sit back, and dive into a world where words wear clown shoes and every punchline lands like a feather on your funny bone. Get ready to LOL and maybe even ROFL!

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are y…

Commentary:
🔦💡 When someone flips the light on without asking, it's like a surprise party you didn't want to attend! A thousand curses to the light-switch bandits out there – may they forever stumble in the dark when searching for their missing socks! 😂🔆

Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of…

Commentary:
"Ever feel like you need subtitles just to understand what on earth this person is saying? 🤔 Maybe you two are just speaking different languages – the language of confusion and bewilderment! 😂😜 Who needs clarity and understanding when you can just keep asking 'What?' for eternity! 🤷‍♂️🤣"

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on m…

Commentary:
"Looks like this person has a magnetic pull for all the crazies 🌀🤪 Better swipe right on a therapist instead! #AttractingPsychos"

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my proble…

Commentary:
"Running is my form of therapy – either fleeing my responsibilities or chasing after happiness in the form of ice cream cones! 🏃‍♂️🍦#LifeMotto"

When I was in elementary school, we learned about a shape c…

Commentary:
Looks like the rhombus got voted off the elementary school island, never to be seen again! 🔺 Farewell, rhombus, you were acute one! 🤣 #GeometryGoneMissing

Getting a key tattoo, but getting it covered up with a door…

Commentary:
"Talk about keeping your secrets on lock! 🗝️🚪 Nothing says 'exclusive entrance' quite like a key hidden under a doormat. Maybe it's the secret passageway to the land of dad jokes! 😉 #UnlockThePunchlines"

Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has be…

Commentary:
"Who knew that dining out was just a fancy way of indirectly feeding the porcelain throne? 🤔🚽💸 Next time you treat yourself to a meal, remember, you're just investing in the plumbing system! 😂🍽️ #FoodForThought"

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottl…

Commentary:
"If I vanish into thin air, just slap my face on some wine bottles 🍷 My friends will be more inclined to go searching in the vineyards than in the dairy aisle! Who needs a missing persons alert when you have a grape escape plan 😉 #WineNotFindMe"

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot…

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal quest for the perfect hot dog at a baseball game! 🌭🎶 Just imagine me, belting out 'hot dogs! hot dogs!' like a culinary symphony conductor in the stands. 🌭🎵 Who needs peanuts and cracker jacks when you've got a serious hot dog mission to fulfill?"

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

Commentary:
"Indeed, the real question here is, why would you waste a good cake like that? 🎂🤷‍♂️ Perhaps they should start a 'Cake-In' trend instead, where people pop out from the center and enjoy a slice or two! 🍰😂"

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