86 Funny God quotes

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4 months ago
Share →: When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Commentary:
"When God closes a door, he opens a window. 🚪➡️🪟 Unfortunately for us, we seem to be stuck in a submarine… 🌊⛴️ Better start looking for that emergency exit hatch! 🚶‍♂️🔍"
4 months ago
Share →: God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

Commentary:
"God, I know good things come to those who wait, but a little update on the shipping status of my soulmate wouldn't hurt, right? Just want to make sure they're not lost in transit!"
4 months ago
Share →: If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Commentary:
"Oh, the cosmic giggle that must echo through the heavens when we try to impress the big guy with our squeaky ambitions! 🎈😂 Just imagine God chuckling as we float away with our high-pitched dreams! 🤣 #DivineHumor"
4 months ago
Share →: Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

Commentary:
"Maybe God also has a strict 'no refunds' policy 🤔🏅🙏 #InGodsHands #WinningStreakButDontLoseFaith"
4 months ago
Share →: People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

Commentary:
Absolutely! Who needs divine intervention when you've got self-confidence to the max? 🙌 Believe in yourself, and watch miracles happen (or at least some impressive self-improvement)! 🌟 #FaithInMeNotDeity
5 months ago
Share →: God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

Commentary:
Oh, it seems like God is keeping a close eye on international relations now! 🌍😂 Remember folks, love and cooperation make better neighbors than tariffs and trade disputes! 🤝💼 #NeighbourlyLove
5 months ago
Share →: God saw you do that.

Commentary:
"Oh, oh! Even God had to hit the rewind button on that one! 👀🙈🤭 #CaughtInTheAct #DivineIntervention"
5 months ago
Share →: Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Commentary:
"Ah, caffeine – the ultimate 'miracle' drug straight from the heavens! ☕️🙌 No short or long-term negative side effects, just pure energy and questionable life choices. Who needs angels when you've got a good old cup of joe to guide you through the day? 😜☕️ #DivineEnergyBoost"
5 months ago
Share →: When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Commentary:
Well, looks like even God has his own VIP section and doesn't bother with staff meetings! 🤣🙏 After all, running the universe must keep him pretty busy. #BossMoves #HeavenlyHierarchy
5 months ago
Share →: God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Commentary:
Well, looks like even the Almighty has some bureaucracy to deal with! 📝😅 Just imagine God sitting behind a desk, sipping celestial coffee, and reviewing paperwork for 'divine interventions'. #HeavenlyRedTape