Commentary:
So if my last name is "Thunderbolt," I'm definitely winning the name game! ⚡😂
152 Funny last quotes
Another year? But the last one got such bad reviews.
Commentary:
Can't believe we've been greenlit for a sequel! 🎬🍿✨
I slept for 11 hours last night, just wanted everyone with kids to know that.
Commentary:
When sleep is a marathon and I just won the gold medal 🏅😴🎉
Can’t believe my neighbor rang my doorbell at 3 a.m. last night… Luckily, I was still up playing the drums.
Commentary:
Guess my drumming wasn't a soundproof success story after all! 🥁😴🔔
(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.
Commentary:
When you really hit it off with someone new but they’ve got career commitments. 😂🔪💔
Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.
Commentary:
Taking bedtime procrastination to an Olympic-level sport 🥇😴 Who needs sleep when you can win the "just one more episode" marathon? 📺😂
If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.
Commentary:
Remember, Mary's water broke, not their patience! 😂🛒💦
Tech bro obsessed with “storytelling,” but hasn’t read a book in the last 5 years.
Commentary:
When your favorite novel is the 10-page pitch deck! 📊📚😅
US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?
Commentary:
Sure, I'll just Venmo him my therapy bill as a tip 😂📱💼
Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
Commentary:
Counting sheep and doing nothing takes planning! 🐑📅 Let me pencil that in! 😆