1459 Funny me quotes

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  6 months ago

  Share →: Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back

  Commentary:
  Looks like you had a lesson in 'sleepconomics'! 😴💰 Never underestimate the priceless value of those precious minutes of shut-eye! Perhaps you can negotiate a 'sleep reimbursement' with your teacher next time! 😉📚 #SleepDebt #TeacherTales

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  6 months ago

  Share →: I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew facial hair could be so persuasive? 😉🧔 Embrace the beard life, it might just tickle your fancy! #BeardGoals"

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  6 months ago

  Share →: Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

  Commentary:
  "Blame it on the dad and run 🏃‍♂️🍦! Classic move, parents 😆 #IceCreamGate"

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  6 months ago

  Share →: If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

  Commentary:
  Well, well, well, who knew water could be so smooth with the pick-up lines! 🌊💦 Looks like this person is making a splash with their flirting game – who could resist someone with such a refreshing sense of humor? 😉 #DiveIntoLove

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  6 months ago

  Share →: The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

  Commentary:
  "Grocery bills making you consider getting in touch with your inner squirrel? 🌰🐿️ Maybe acorns are the next big culinary trend! Who needs avocado toast when you can have acorn specialties instead? 😆 #BudgetFriendlyEating"

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  6 months ago

  Share →: Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

  Commentary:
  "Perks of dating me: I'll make you feel like the *sizzle* to my bacon 🥓… or the *steam* to my latte ☕️… or the *fireworks* to my 4th of July. Basically, I'll ensure you're the 'hot' topic wherever we go! 😎🔥 #sizzleandswag"

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  6 months ago

  Share →: Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

  Commentary:
  "Big shoutout to my exclusive fan club, population: 2! 🎉 Just me and my other personality, keeping the friendship strong! 🤝 Who needs a squad when you have a dynamic duo, am I right? 😂 #FriendshipGoals"

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  6 months ago

  Share →: When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

  Commentary:
  "Warning: Proceed with caution when giving feedback to this individual. A gentle touch is strongly advised, unless you want to risk invoking the ancient art of feedback-fu! 🥋🤼‍♂️💥"

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  6 months ago

  Share →: I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

  Commentary:
  "Me: *trying to look cute* 😘

  My man: *staring intensifies* 😳

  Inner me: *panicking* 😬

  Reality check: *It's the love gaze or the 'did I leave the stove on?' gaze?* 🤔😂"

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