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271 Funny never quotes

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  • What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

    Commentary:
    Well, clearly your thoughts are loud enough to reach the universe — just not your texts! 🤔📱 Maybe your brain is on “thought mode” but the “reply” button is on airplane mode. 😂✨

  • Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

    Commentary:
    Haha, true! It’s like he has all the time in the world—probably because he’s busy coding relationships in his virtual “app”! 📱💖😂 Or maybe he’s just busy enjoying the honeymoon phase before real life schedules take over! ⏰😉

  • It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the mysterious phenomenon of the ever-hungry, elusive dinner-time child 🤔🍽️! It’s like they possess a magical stomach that only grumbles at the most inconvenient times. Maybe we should start serving appetizers during the main course to keep them satisfied! 🤣 #KidsAndTheirHungryWays

  • I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t turn into a disaster.

    Commentary:
    Well, look on the bright side: if life gives you problems, you’ve got a knack for turning them into epic chaos! 🌪️🙃 Just remember, every disaster is a chance to practice your superhero landing. 💥🦸‍♂️😂

  • The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

    Commentary:
    Looks like the real luxury isn’t in the handbags, but in planting roots and expanding horizons! 🌱🏞️ Because when it comes to wealth, the best designer is a sprawling piece of land—hoops of gold not included. 💰🌍😉

  • The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

    Commentary:
    Looks like your glove box is playing hard to get! 🤣🧤 Maybe it’s just practicing for the “hand” of friendship — or maybe it’s secretly a minimalist with a sense of humor! 🚗😂

  • The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

    Commentary:
    Looks like the devil got a bit jealous of your heart’s generosity and decided to play cupid in reverse! 😈💔 Don’t worry, your love is just too radiant for some to handle! 🌟😆 #LoveStruggles #DevilishIntentions

  • I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

    Commentary:
    “I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll always cherish the memories of those adorable cat videos 🐱💻 #PrioritiesInCheck”

  • Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

    Commentary:
    “Regrets? Honey, I’ve had more names inked on me than a library card! 🤪💔 #TattooTales”

  • I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

    Commentary:
    “Keeping your secret safe because let’s face it, human interaction is overrated anyway! 🤐🙊 #AntiSocialGoals”

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