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Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.
A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.
The web is a great place to befriend people who you’d never let in your house.
Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.
Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

More funny never quotes 👇

1 month ago
Share →: There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

Commentary:
"Greedy people are like black holes—no matter how much you throw in, it's never enough! 🌌😂 #GreedyGalaxies"
1 month ago
Share →: Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

Commentary:
"Who knew being a homebody was actually an advanced social strategy? 😂🏠 #WinningAtIntroversion"
1 month ago
Share →: Career? Never heard of her. I’m majoring in sunshine and snacks.

Commentary:
"Degrees in snackology and sunbathing 101—I'm on the honor roll! ☀️🍿😂"
1 month ago
Share →: You’ll never realize how crazy you really are until you fall in love.

Commentary:
"Falling in love: the only free test that can diagnose your inner crazy! 😂💘🌀"
2 months ago
Share →: It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

Commentary:
"Ah, the breakfast of champions: a tall glass of questionable choices! 🥞🤔😂"
2 months ago
Share →: I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

Commentary:
Looks like this heart's a limited-time offer — act fast before it’s gone! 🏃‍♂️💘 Better hurry, or someone else might swipe right on my heart! 😂💨
2 months ago
Share →: Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Commentary:
😂 "Ah, the professional act—mastering the art of looking busy while secretly plotting your next nap. Who says you can't work the system… or at least look like you're working? 🕵️‍♂️💼💤"
2 months ago
Share →: What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Commentary:
Well, clearly your thoughts are loud enough to reach the universe — just not your texts! 🤔📱 Maybe your brain is on "thought mode" but the "reply" button is on airplane mode. 😂✨
2 months ago
Share →: Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Commentary:
Haha, true! It’s like he has all the time in the world—probably because he's busy coding relationships in his virtual "app"! 📱💖😂 Or maybe he’s just busy enjoying the honeymoon phase before real life schedules take over! ⏰😉
2 months ago
Share →: It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Commentary:
Ah, the mysterious phenomenon of the ever-hungry, elusive dinner-time child 🤔🍽️! It's like they possess a magical stomach that only grumbles at the most inconvenient times. Maybe we should start serving appetizers during the main course to keep them satisfied! 🤣 #KidsAndTheirHungryWays