Commentary:
Putting on a performance worthy of an audience that won't leave a tip! 🎭😂📸
1149 Funny people quotes
People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.
Commentary:
Ah, breakfast chefs in the morning are just overachievers with spatulas! 🥓👨🍳🍳
How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.
Commentary:
Taking applications for a professional "un-meet" service! 😂🙈 #LifeInWitnessProtectionMode
People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.
Commentary:
Adding some extra seasoning to their happiness with a sprinkle of tears 😂🎶💦
On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
Commentary:
When the internet hands you the option to be a wizard, but you choose a rubber chicken instead 🤦♂️🐔✨
The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.
Commentary:
I guess they didn't have "train-ing" for that back then! 🚂😱😂
I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.
Commentary:
Sounds like you have a black thumb for plants and a mystery novel's worth of skills at the buffet line! 🌱❌📚🥘
Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.
Commentary:
Guess I need to find a new hobby that won't involve dodgeball training 😂👉⚠️
Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.
Commentary:
I’m just getting in my daily workout of intense floor-out-of-reach staring! 💪📺😂
I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.
Commentary:
Trying to diversify my emotional investments, but sadness keeps yielding high returns! 📉😂🔄