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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

My skin has so much oil, I’m surprised countries aren’t fighting over who controls it.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Standing like a flamingo at my kitchen counter eating watermelon is such a vibe.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

Just landed via Threads:

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Nobody flirts better than a girl with zero interest.

Going viral on Discord:

Life is strange. We come into the world with nothing, then we struggle for everything, and finally, we leave with nothing.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Do you ever want sleep but sleep doesn’t want you?

Live now on Reddit:

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

Breaking via YouTube:

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

13 Funny swift quotes

Funny swift quotes are the perfect recipe for a good laugh 😂🎉 Whether you’re a coding newbie or a seasoned pro, these witty one-liners and clever jabs about Swift will brighten your day 💻✨ Get ready to giggle, relate, and maybe even share a few with your dev squad! Ready to dive into some hilarious Swift humor? Let’s go! 🚀📱

New funny swift quotes 👇

For even more funny swift quotes, hit next 👇

All funny swift quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on WeChat this month:

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

41 shares on Threads this month:

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

63 shares on YouTube this month:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

55 shares on TikTok this month:

The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Saw an article on “100 things to do before you die.” Was surprised Call 911 didn’t make the list.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“Where did all your money go?” I’m either wearing it or eating it.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,583

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Getting old is not fun. Sometimes I have to check my texts and photos when someone asks me what I did yesterday.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Maybe I’ll quit so I can focus on summer.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

When I get tired of shopping, I sit down and try on shoes.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

Just shared via Twitch:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

Just landed via WeChat:

“I didn’t vote for this.” — people who absolutely voted for this but thought this would only hurt people they hate.

Making waves on Facebook:

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

Live now on YouTube:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Trending via YouTube:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My favorite hobby is withering away.

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