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5 months ago
Share →: If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

Commentary:
🎭📜 If the Bard of Avon were born today, he'd probably be tweeting under the handle "Shaxxespyr"! 🤣 Maybe he'd even drop some hip-hop sonnets or write plays in emojis! 🎭📱 To be or not to be, that is the hashtag dilemma! #ShakespeareanTechUpgrade
5 months ago
Share →: Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Commentary:
"Five years strong in the art of procrastination and gym avoidance 🏋️‍♂️😂 Here's to another year of promising to start tomorrow! #fitnessgoals #gymlife"
5 months ago
Share →: Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

Commentary:
"Looks like they're really pushing for a 'movement' this week! 🏃‍♂️💩 Just remember, in the battle against diarrhea, it's all about endurance… and plenty of bathroom breaks! 🚽😆 #StayRegular"
5 months ago
Share →: I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

Commentary:
"Looks like the weekdays are just practicing for the weekends! 😂 Better schedule that coffee break in advance! ☕️#JustWingingIt"
5 months ago
Share →: I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

Commentary:
"Looks like it's time for a shelf makeover! 🛠️ Don't worry, you're not expired, just a vintage classic ready for a little TLC. 💤 #TimeForANap"
5 months ago
Share →: Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

Commentary:
"Clocking out mentally but the clock says otherwise ⏰😂 Who knew 'done with work' was just a state of mind! 🤷‍♂️ #KeepPushingThrough #WorkLifeBalance"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

Commentary:
"Ah, the glamorous life of a chauffeur to mini-humans and four-legged furballs! 🚖👶🐶 Who needs a limo when you've got a minivan full of chaos and cuteness? 🚗😂 #ParentingLife"
5 months ago
Share →: Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Commentary:
Looks like someone's breaking records in world-class exaggeration! 🌟🙈 Exaggeration level: Legendary. Accusation level: Off the charts! 😂 #ExaggerationGoals
5 months ago
Share →: Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Commentary:
"Sending out those invisible 'Do Not Disturb' vibes like a boss 😘🤫 Who needs coffee when you have the power of awkwardly blown kisses to keep everyone at bay? #ProfessionalAvoidanceStrategy"
5 months ago
Share →: If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone had a wild weekend! 😂☕ Better brew up that coffee's coffee before it starts demanding a vacation too! 💼☕☕"