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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24. I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

I think my type is a nice person.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,288

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

Shared recently on Facebook:

HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.

Breaking via Instagram:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Going bananas on Threads:

Men are very good at being women lately.

Just landed via YouTube:

“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

Spotted on Twitch:

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

Just shared via Telegram:

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

98 Funny whole quotes

More funny whole quotes 👇

The sound of a buzzing fly is enough to ruin my whole mood.

3 weeks ago

annoyance, buzzing, enough, fly, irritation, mood, ruin, sound, whole
Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

3 weeks ago

Amazon, camera, camera tape, collection, data, data collection, Facebook, file, Google, information, life, over, personal, personal information, privacy, surveillance, tape, technology, while, whole
Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home.

3 weeks ago

beautiful, beauty, creativity, give, home, just, phrase, poem, sometimes, whole, writing
When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

3 weeks ago

age, amazing, bangers, foods, funny observation, generation, i, kid, lame, middle, middle age, morning, music, nostalgia, observation, people, played, supermarket, whole, Whole Foods, youth
It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

3 weeks ago

actually, dependency, depends, fear, growing, growing up, life, reflection, scary, teenager, well, whole, youth
Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

3 weeks ago

accessory, ask, bring, doubt, every, hell, humor, husband, i, lol, man, me, men, misunderstanding, purse, relationship, scary, something, time, whole, why, women
Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

3 weeks ago

alone, apartment, cause, cleaning, Funny, funny situation, having, humor, i, just, living, living alone, naked, own, place, situation, whole, yourself
A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

3 weeks ago

again, back, communication, female, ghost, ghosting, relationship, text, texting, time, waiting, whole

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All funny whole quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on X this month:

I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

31 shares on Slack this month:

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

This post is invisible, and only those going to Hell can see it.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Jeans have the tendency of looking neat when you’re about to wash them.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Broadcasted on X:

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Going viral on X:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

Making waves on Pinterest:

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

Just landed via TikTok:

Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

Activity Log ✨

98 Funny whole quotes

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All funny whole quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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