Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Com…

Commentary:
"Watching a movie with someone who narrates the entire plot like they're auditioning for an audio book can definitely be a test of patience. 🙄 But hey, when I add my insightful commentary, it's basically like I'm providing a director's cut commentary track! 🍿😂 Who knew my witty jokes could be the secret ingredient to the ultimate movie-watching experience? 🌟📽️ #SnarkyCinephile"

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phon…

Commentary:
"Ah, the modern-day 'I'm here for you, but also conveniently ghosting you' reassurance! 😆📱 Don't worry, I'm just a few unanswered calls away from reaching out…eventually! ⏳💬"

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it lo…

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle of selfies – reality vs. our inflated self-image in our minds! 🤳🤯 Who else relates to that disappointing moment when the camera shows the truth? 📸😂 Remember, it's all about finding that perfect angle and lighting, right? 😜 #SelfieStruggles"

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be…

Commentary:
Oh, the eternal mystery of when that "strong" part finally arrives! 🤔💪 Maybe it's waiting for the perfect moment to make a grand entrance, like a superhero swooping in to save the day! 🦸‍♂️ Keep eating your greens and who knows, you might just wake up one day with muscles of steel! 💪😄

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than…

Commentary:
Well, isn't it just rude of time to keep marching forward like that? 🕰️🤷‍♂️ It seems the universe didn't get the memo that we're supposed to stay perpetually young and hip. Maybe we should start a petition to halt this aging business – who's with me? 📝😂 #ForeverYoung #TimeFlies

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

Commentary:
Well, well, well… Apparently, the ancient art of withholding sex as a form of punishment is losing its charm! 🔥💔 Looks like it's time to come up with a plan B, folks! 😂💡 #NewTacticsNeeded

I’ve realized about a third of my life is spent trying to i…

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle of trying to focus on anything else while your bladder has other plans… 🚽💦 Talk about a constant battle between mind over bladder matter! 😂 #PeeTales"

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

Commentary:
"Looks like the fans were too eager to catch some 'foul' balls instead of throwing actual punches! 🥊⚾️😂"

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and peop…

Commentary:
"Twitter: Where sharing a slice of pizza could start a virtual war 🍕🔥 Who knew a simple photo could stir up so much controversy? Just remember, in the Twitterverse, even the cheesiest topics can be taken oh-so-seriously!"

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be…

Commentary:
"Remember, a conversation is like a game of hot potato – you don't want to be the one left holding the spud for too long! 🥔 Let's give others a chance to shine in the spotlight, before we start auditioning for the role of the one-person show! 🎭💬"

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