Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Life is really sucking the life out of me.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Student life is all about convincing your parents that you are studying, convincing your friends that you are not, and convincing yourself that you’ll study from tomorrow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,650

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

Just shared via Messenger:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Memes are the most information-dense form of communication.

Going viral on Facebook:

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

Shared recently on Threads:

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

Breaking via Telegram:

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

More funny quotes 👇

A woman’s way of flirting is thinking about you until you get the urge to reach out to her.

0

2 weeks ago

attraction, communication, flirting, reach, reach out, thinking, urge, woman
Scientists just confirmed that our dreams were real in another reality.

0

2 weeks ago

alternate, alternate reality, another, confirmation, dream, dreams, just, real, reality, scientist, scientists
US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

0

2 weeks ago

border, etiquette, five, guy, history, humor, last, media, need, question, social, social media, tip, us, US etiquette
Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

0

2 weeks ago

anxiety, being, delay, even, humor, means, perfectionist, procrastinator, productivity, started, stress, work
Showing your emotions to the wrong people is like bleeding next to a shark.

0

2 weeks ago

bleeding, danger, emotion, emotions, feelings, metaphor, next, people, shark, showing, trust, vulnerability, wrong
AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.

0

2 weeks ago

AI, emotion, human, human emotion, humor, machine, me, much, never, put, replace, replacement, self-loathing, technology
At the end of the day, it’s just me and me.

0

2 weeks ago

day, end, humor, identity, independence, just, me, reflection, self, solitude
Sometimes I wonder if the strangers I see when I go outside are actually the people I talk to online.

0

2 weeks ago

actually, humor, i, interaction, internet, online, outside, people, social, social interaction, sometimes, stranger, strangers, talk, wonder
My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

0

2 weeks ago

AI, angel, app, apps, bad, bad luck, betting, distraction, generative, generative AI, guardian, guardian angel, happen, humor, letting, luck, me, sports, sports betting, technology, things, why
I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

0

2 weeks ago

box, dark, dark humor, heart, hoodie, humor, i, love, me, sarcasm, want

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on X this month:

Going out on Friday night will always be better than going out on a Saturday night.

89 shares on Discord this month:

I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

89 shares on X this month:

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning its nuts.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

“It’s swimsuit season” I say, eating another swimsuit.

10 shares on TikTok this month:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Just landed via X:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Just shared via X:

If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

Freshly posted on Threads:

If I were an organ, I’d fail.

Seen just now on Discord:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

Going viral on Instagram:

Netflix be like “we know exactly what movie you talkin’ ’bout but we ain’t got it lol”.

Just landed via Messenger:

I have a very active anti-social life.

Shared recently on Reddit:

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨