Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,897

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.

Breaking via Facebook:

Startup idea: Instagram, but it only shows you posts from people you follow, and they’re in chronological order.

Shared recently on Slack:

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Making waves on Instagram:

Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

Trending via Slack:

Runners who smoke need to pick a side.

Breaking via Messenger:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Just landed via YouTube:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

More funny quotes 👇

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

0

5 months ago

hate, home, i, job, jobs, me, much, once, people, quitting, vlog, watch, wish, wishing, work
Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

0

5 months ago

birthday, birthday wish, born, buying, celebration, gift, humor, i, myself, nice, personal, personal treat, self-care, shopping, something, today, treat, wish
Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.

0

5 months ago

bullshit, confusion, exercise, fitness, gym, humor, idea, joke, just, muscle, muscles, targeted, training, workout
Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

0

5 months ago

courage, fear, humor, mindset, nothing, once, positivity, situation
I want my boyfriend to be so hot strangers know he’s not funny.

0

5 months ago

attraction, boyfriend, Funny, hot, humor, i, know, stranger, strangers, want
You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

0

5 months ago

else, humor, know, me, mysterious, mystery, self-reference, ways, work, works
I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

0

5 months ago

active, avoidance, humor, mindset, peace, procrastination, relaxation, self-care, through
I drive like I’m immortal.

0

5 months ago

drive, driving, humor, i, immortality, reckless, reckless driving
You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

0

5 months ago

anything, early, humor, leadership, management, meeting, meetings, motivation, person, productivity, time, time management, work
My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

0

5 months ago

center, data, data center, different, girlfriend, humor, joke, know, relationship, tech, tech joke

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on YouTube this month:

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

76 shares on Slack this month:

Needing to rant and not wanting anyone to know your business is such a crazy combo.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

74 shares on Twitch this month:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You can add “cha cha cha” to any sentence you want without explaining yourself. Nobody really appreciates this.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Anti-capitalism is just code for “I don’t know how anything works.”

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

Due to unfortunate circumstances, things are no longer fergalicious nor bootylicious.

Spotted on WeChat:

Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

Going viral on Discord:

If you start liking someone, just block them. Follow me for more relationship advice.

Trending via Twitch:

I’m a huge fan of saying “You’re welcome” really loudly when people don’t say thank you.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Oh good. Another day.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Snakes don’t hiss anymore, they call you babe, bro, or friend.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨