Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Did the people you had a crush on always like you back or are you funny?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,742

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

Shared recently on Threads:

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

Freshly posted on Slack:

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

Just shared via YouTube:

You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think of me.

Breaking via Pinterest:

If you’re offended by bacon, the United States of America isn’t for you.

Spotted on Discord:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Trending via Discord:

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

Going viral on YouTube:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

More funny quotes 👇

My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

0

5 months ago

call, circle, humor, i, know, loneliness, phone, phone call, rings, scammer, small, small circle, social, social circle
Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

0

5 months ago

absolutely, behavior, empathy, everyone, interaction, irony, kindest, kindness, kindness paradox, mean, meanness, paradox, people, reason, social, social interaction, why
Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

0

5 months ago

activity, bird, birds, depression, feeding, good, health, hobby, mental, mental health, nature, outdoor, outdoor activity, porch, pretty, relaxation, sitting, squirrel, squirrels, treatment
“Where did all your money go?” I’m either wearing it or eating it.

0

5 months ago

budget, clothing, eating, finance, food, humor, lifestyle, money, spending, where
It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

0

5 months ago

after, couch, humor, i, late, laziness, me, procrastination, relaxation, sat, tired, too, work
I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.

0

5 months ago

disappointment, face, family, humor, irony, just, pretty, self-deprecating
I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

0

5 months ago

disappearing, dream, escape, humor, i, nature, technology, Wi-Fi, wifi, woods
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

0

5 months ago

communication, guys, i, just, last, late, late reply, message, night, reply, restaurant, saw, socializing, sorry, still, text, text message
I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

0

5 months ago

addiction, better, cigarette, feel, humor, i, just, sarcasm, saying, smoking, vape, vindication
I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

0

5 months ago

better, cheese, colleague, cultural, cultural difference, difference, equivalent, explaining, explanation, free, free cheese, free lunch, humor, i, idiom, lunch, me, mousetrap, much, only, phrase, thing, told, Ukrainian

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Threads this month:

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

30 shares on Slack this month:

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

Roses are red. Daisies are white. I’m in a grumpy mood. My underwear is too tight.

78 shares on Slack this month:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

31 shares on Messenger this month:

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

88 shares on YouTube this month:

Welcome to adulthood: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

The purpose of life is to go insane sooner or later.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

Shared recently on Slack:

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

Spotted on Reddit:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Going viral on Discord:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Making waves on Instagram:

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

Spotted on Threads:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

Just landed via Reddit:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Going viral on Twitch:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨