21 Funny candy quotes — Wordgag ツ

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

3 days ago3 days ago

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

3 weeks ago3 weeks ago

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

2 months ago2 months ago

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

2 months ago2 months ago

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

2 months ago2 months ago

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

3 months ago3 months ago

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Mar 31, 2025Mar 31, 2025

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

Mar 18, 2025

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

Feb 25, 2025

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

Feb 1, 2025Feb 1, 2025

Being an iPad baby must be so exciting. Imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush.

Jan 26, 2025

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Jan 26, 2025

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Jan 26, 2025

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Jan 25, 2025

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Jan 25, 2025

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

Jan 24, 2025

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

Jan 24, 2025

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Jan 23, 2025

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Jan 22, 2025

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Jan 22, 2025