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100 Funny comfort quotes

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

3 months ago

In my opinion, those who go jogging on a Sunday morning certainly don’t have a comfortable sofa.

3 months ago

Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on my recliner with my loveseat, in case you were wondering how emotionally invested I am in laziness.

3 months ago

Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

3 months ago

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

3 months ago

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

3 months ago

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

3 months ago

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

3 months ago

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

3 months ago

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

3 months ago

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

3 months ago

Let’s be honest. The best moment of the day is when we take off our bra.

3 months ago

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

3 months ago

Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting, until you realize you are the only one in the room.

3 months ago

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

3 months ago

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

3 months ago

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

3 months ago

No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

3 months ago

True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

3 months ago

Do you also sometimes turn on the TV just so you have background noise or am I weird?

3 months ago