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139 Funny comparison quotes

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

3 months ago

Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.

3 months ago

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

3 months ago

A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

3 months ago

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

3 months ago

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

3 months ago

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

3 months ago

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

3 months ago

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

3 months ago

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

3 months ago

Why spend like $300 Dollars on a pair of shoes? Do you know how many chicken nuggets you can buy with that money?

3 months ago

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

3 months ago

If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

3 months ago

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

3 months ago

Ramen is just anime spaghetti.

3 months ago

You are the Monday of my life.

3 months ago

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

3 months ago

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

3 months ago

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

3 months ago