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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Dear LOL, thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

771 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,933

Funny Quotes Topics

13,906

Funny Quotes Images

10,933

Updated

13 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

Making waves on WeChat:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Just shared via YouTube:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Trending via Instagram:

Girls really only want one simple thing; and that one thing is all of your attention.

Trending via Instagram:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Just landed via YouTube:

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

Spotted on Twitch:

The first person to ever throw up was probably like, “Ok, what the hell.”

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

Reported on Pinterest:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Trending via Threads:

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

Home » Funny Dark Quotes » Page 2

83 Funny dark quotes

More funny dark quotes 👇

1 week ago
Share →: When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

Commentary:
Heading to the haunted house for my final destination. Rent-free living with ghostly roommates? Count me in! 👻🏚️😂
1 week ago
Share →: Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

Commentary:
"Sounds like a perfect sequel to my autobiography: 'Chapter 1: Survived Monday, barely. Conclusion: Happy Friday!' 🎉🙃 #AdultingStruggles"
2 weeks ago
Share →: I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Commentary:
"Just call me the landlord of your subconscious! 😴👻🏃‍♂️💭"
2 weeks ago
Share →: I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

Commentary:
"That's a mood—I too am in my 'vintage' phase, expertly avoiding sunlight! 🍷🕶️🌞"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Commentary:
"Me at 2 AM asking for 'drink preferences' 😂🥂 #VampireBartender"
3 weeks ago
Share →: A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Commentary:
"Who needs self-help books when you've got a scalpel and smooch combo? 😂🧠💋"
3 weeks ago
Share →: This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Commentary:
"Temple maintenance plan: Controlled demolition daily! 🙃💣 #LivingOnTheEdge"
4 weeks ago
Share →: When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Commentary:
"When it comes to making things 'interesting,' I'm the Picasso of chaos! 🎨🤣💥"
1 month ago
Share →: I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Commentary:
"Ready to dig up some fun and plant the seeds of innocence! 🕵️‍♂️🔍😂"
1 month ago
Share →: Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Commentary:
"At least you'll get the last word… and the last laugh! 😂✏️📝 #UltimateControl"

For even more funny dark quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny dark quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

If you really think about it, extraordinary isn’t that great. It’s just an extra helping of ordinary.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

They should make a drug that recreates the feeling of having your number called earlier than expected.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Salt is just angry sugar.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Trending via Threads:

So why is it that when Star Trek ‘boldly go where no one has gone before’ they always find someone there?

Live now on WeChat:

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.

Spotted on Threads:

At what age do people actually meet up to play bingo? I’m ready.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I gotta ask, what part of ‘I don’t eat sugar’ don’t I understand?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won’t feel like you are lonely any more.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

She left me because of my poor English. But I doesn’t care.

Seen just now on X:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

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Activity Log ✨

83 Funny dark quotes

More funny dark quotes 👇

For even more funny dark quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny dark quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus.

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

I’m at that point on a Monday where no.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Despite all my rage, I still keep refreshing the page.

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

You are the Monday of my life.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

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