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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

All the world’s a stage, and I always forget my line.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

Spotted on Discord:

I’m sorry, being on social media gave you the impression I’m a social person.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Making waves on Reddit:

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Shared recently on Threads:

My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Making waves on Slack:

Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

15 Funny denial quotes

Funny denial quotes bring a hilarious twist to those moments when saying no feels impossible 😅✨ Whether dodging awkward questions or avoiding responsibility, these witty lines turn denial into an art form 🎭😂 Get ready to laugh out loud and maybe even relate—because sometimes, the best defense is a good joke! 🤪💬 #DenialDoneRight

New funny denial quotes 👇

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

15 hours ago

care, denial, home, honesty, humor, i, lying, said, standing, stubbornness, window
Your Honor, that doesn’t sound like me.

22 hours ago

courtroom, denial, honor, humor, judge, legal, me, sound
Denying the existence of anyone that annoys me.

2 weeks ago

annoyance, anyone, attitude, coping, coping mechanism, denial, existence, humor, interaction, me, mechanism, personality, sarcasm, social, social interaction
When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

2 months ago

accident, always, attitude, back, blame, clumsiness, comedy, denial, fault, funny perspective, humor, humorous, humorous attitude, i, perspective, self, self blame, trip, tripping
No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

2 months ago

activity, anyone, busy, dating, denial, free, free time, fun, fun activity, humor, lying, outdoor, outdoor activity, outside, playing, time
The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

2 months ago

age, birthday, celebration, denial, fun, humor, i, just, older, one-night, one-night stand, pretend, stand, time, treat
I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

2 months ago

asked, conversation, denial, humor, i, introspection, myself, self-reflection, toxic
If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

2 months ago

after, charcuterie, denial, eating, finished, food, humor, licking, me, party, plate, saw, snack
I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

2 months ago

bad, bad news, broken, broken machine, cream, denial, denied, ever, humor, i, ice, ice cream, job, machine, McDonald’s, news, people, told, ugly, used, work
Pumpkin spice season comes earlier every year and yet some still deny climate change.

2 months ago

autumn, change, climate, climate change, coffee, denial, deny, earlier, every, humor, irony, pumpkin, pumpkin spice, season, spice, still, trends, year

For even more funny denial quotes, hit next 👇

All funny denial quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

31 shares on Discord this month:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I could own a thousand summer dresses, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

90 shares on Threads this month:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Men used to go to war. Now they say, “Hey, Grok.”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,336

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

You know you’re old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Going viral on TikTok:

“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Prior to the arrival of Paper and Scissors, Rock faced no competition.

Just landed via Reddit:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Going viral on YouTube:

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

Just landed via Reddit:

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

Trending via Snapchat:

I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If every lesbian is into older women, who’s gonna like the younger ones?

Making waves on Discord:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

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