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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

A recent study showed that people who are reading this text thought they were learning something useful.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Oh, I shouldn’t worry? Why didn’t I think of that?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

774 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,936

Funny Quotes Topics

13,910

Funny Quotes Images

10,936

13 minutes ago

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Billion dollar technology idea: A printer that works.

Just shared via YouTube:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Breaking via WeChat:

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

Seen just now on Messenger:

Avocado is just green butter.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

Live now on Twitch:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

Just shared via WeChat:

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Trending via Pinterest:

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

Home » Funny English Quotes » Page 2

14 Funny English quotes

More funny English quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the English spelling of 'diarrhoea' truly gives the impression that your vowels are on the loose! 🤣🇬🇧 Watch out, those vowels are running wild! 🏃‍♂️💨 #LostInTranslation"
6 months ago
Share →: Really looking forward to the day my teenager starts speaking English again.

Commentary:
"Ah, the mysterious language of teenagers – a combination of eye rolls, grunts, and unsolicited opinions in a dialect only understood by fellow parents. 🤦‍♂️ Can't wait for that magical moment when coherent sentences make a comeback! 🙏😂"
6 months ago
Share →: You know you’re getting old when you have to watch shows that are in English with subtitles.

Commentary:
Ah, the moment you realize your hearing is as questionable as your memory 🙉📺 Embrace the subtitles – they're like your personal on-screen hearing aid! #AgeingGracefully
6 months ago
Share →: I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

Commentary:
"Who needs to know another language when you can just speak English at a snail's pace? 🐌😂 Slow and steady wins the communication race! 🐢💬"

For even more funny English quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny English quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

774 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,936

Funny Quotes Topics

13,910

Funny Quotes Images

10,936

13 minutes ago

3,424

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

You know you’re getting old when you have to watch shows that are in English with subtitles.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Work for a living? In this economy?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

Just shared via Discord:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Going viral on WeChat:

We like to vilify hot people, but it’s important to know that people who aren’t hot are also terrible.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Trending via X:

I prefer to use deodorant immediately after shaving my armpits so that I can feel that I’m still alive.

Making waves on Facebook:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”

Trending via Snapchat:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

Making waves on Twitch:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

Trending via Slack:

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

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