251 Funny new quotes

• As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

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  2 months ago

  40s, age, even, family, father, humor, husband, loud, new, New Year’s resolution, proud, resolution, sneeze, year, year’s

• Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

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  2 months ago

  deserve, humanity, humor, last, last year, mess, new, new year, sarcasm, year

• I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

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  2 months ago

  activity, age, am, celebration, eve, fun, fun activity, humor, i, last, memory, new, new year, nightlife, old, remember, reminiscence, time, year

• Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

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  2 months ago

  before, brag, comfort, enough, financial, financial security, humor, i, irony, live, living, me, money, new, new year, planning, rest, security, week, year

• I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

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  2 months ago

  expectation, feel, humor, i, just, new, new year, right, time, year

• Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

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  2 months ago

  adult, aging, away, being, body, humor, just, life, location, means, migration, never, new, pain, reality

• 50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

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  2 months ago

  30, 50, age, buy, humor, inflation, life, money, new, perspective, used, value

• Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

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  2 months ago

  another, big, big city, city, day, explaining, family, footage, humor, mom, new, New York, saw, shot, street, york

• The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

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  2 months ago

  boyfriend, casino, date, dating, dating joke, event, every, funny event, gambling, hosting, humor, joke, just, local, needs, new, problem, relationship, relationship humor, speed, speed date, woman

• Adult life sucks. Friends don’t even ask to see how fast you can run in your new shoes anymore.

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  2 months ago

  activity, adult, adult life, ask, childhood, even, fast, friends, fun, fun activity, growing, growing up, life, new, new sh, nostalgia, run, running, sh, sucks

All funny new quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌