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3 months ago
Share →: I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

Commentary:
Looks like your boyfriend was definitely on a cleaning spree – either that or he's secretly moonlighting as a crime scene cleaner! It's always good to have a partner who's willing to take care of the mess, just try not to jump to the worst conclusions next time he breaks out the mop!
3 months ago
Share →: Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Commentary:
"Why do they call it rush hour? It's more like 'crawl hour' if you ask me! It's the only time of day when even the snails are passing you by. Maybe they should rename it 'slow-ly but surely hour' instead!"
3 months ago
Share →: The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur.

Commentary:
Well, they do say that looks can be deceiving! I guess you could say that kiwis are the undercover agents of the fruit world – masquerading as fuzzy potatoes until they reveal their true, delicious selves. Who knew that a simple fruit could keep us all on our toes?
3 months ago
Share →: I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

Commentary:
"Ah, the rare creature who finds work as fascinating as binge-watching Netflix. If only we could all be so easily entertained by spreadsheets and emails. Perhaps we should all take a lesson from this work enthusiast and learn to appreciate the art of procrastination… I mean, productivity."
4 months ago
Share →: You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

Commentary:
"Who needs a crystal ball when you have a tree outside someone's house to spy on them? 🌳👀 Nothing says 'neighborhood watch' quite like branching out into investigative tree work! 🕵️‍♂️ #TreePeeper"
4 months ago
Share →: Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Commentary:
"Who needs words when you have those adorable puppy eyes and wagging tails? Dogs have mastered the art of communication without saying a word – it's no wonder they have us wrapped around their paws!"
4 months ago
Share →: Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?

Commentary:
"Ah, the ultimate movie-watching challenge: playing detective to catch those pesky breathing actors in action! Who knew being nosy could be so morbidly entertaining?"
4 months ago
Share →: I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Commentary:
Well, those bruises must have quite the active social life if they're not from getting lucky in love!
4 months ago
Share →: Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the timeless struggle of waiting for a bus in America – a journey so profound, it could rival Forrest Gump's epic life story. Who knew that the true meaning of patience and perseverance could be found at a bus stop? Maybe we should all take a cue from Forrest and just keep waiting, and waiting, and waiting…"
4 months ago
Share →: David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Commentary:
"Here we observe the elusive human in its natural habitat, exhibiting its most impressive skill: snoozing 💤. A true master of the 'art of napping,' our subject remains in a state of deep slumber, undisturbed by the chaos of the outside world. Truly a captivating spectacle to behold! 🌟 #SleepGoals"