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26 Funny shut quotes

Dear Stomach, you’re bored, not hungry. So shut up.

1 month ago

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

1 month ago

You should introduce your upper lip to your bottom lip sometime and shut up.

2 months ago

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

2 months ago

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

2 months ago

Saying “shut up” before skipping the YouTube ad is literally necessary.

3 months ago

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

3 months ago

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

3 months ago

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

3 months ago

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

3 months ago

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

3 months ago

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

3 months ago

The guy in the stall beside doesn’t know he can shut off his camera shutter.

3 months ago

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

3 months ago

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

3 months ago

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

3 months ago

I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

3 months ago

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

3 months ago

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

3 months ago

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

3 months ago