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10,000+ funny quotes

71 Funny sure quotes

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

4 days ago

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

4 weeks ago

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

4 weeks ago

I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

1 month ago

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

2 months ago

Spent most of the day making sure the couch still works. So far so good.

2 months ago

I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?

2 months ago

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

2 months ago

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

2 months ago

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

2 months ago

All I know for sure is that I could be wrong.

3 months ago

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

3 months ago

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

3 months ago

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

3 months ago

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

3 months ago

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

3 months ago

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

3 months ago

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

3 months ago

Sure the Lego botanical sets are great but dusting them is another story.

3 months ago