Funny quotes things Page 2

139 Funny things quotes

A frittata is just an omelette for people too lazy to flip things.

1 month ago

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

1 month ago

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

1 month ago

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

1 month ago

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

2 months ago

I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

2 months ago

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

2 months ago

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

2 months ago

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

2 months ago

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

2 months ago

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

2 months ago

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

2 months ago

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

2 months ago

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

2 months ago

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

2 months ago

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

2 months ago

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

3 months ago

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

3 months ago

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

3 months ago

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

3 months ago