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Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2448 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,610

Funny Quotes Topics

15,283

Funny Quotes Images

12,610

Updated

9 minutes ago

Users Online

3,439

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

Trending via YouTube:

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

Spotted on Twitch:

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

Just shared via Instagram:

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

Just shared via Facebook:

Can we skip to the rich part?

Just landed via Snapchat:

So many mistakes to make, so little time.

Just landed via TikTok:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

Going viral on Facebook:

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

Home » Funny Things Quotes » Page 2

198 Funny things quotes

More funny things quotes 👇

1 week ago
Share →: I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

Commentary:
When my pen goes missing, I start questioning my life choices 📎😅 #PenPalPanic
2 weeks ago
Share →: If bugs could talk, they would probably say things like, “What the bug?”

Commentary:
When bugs start talking, I'm going to need a translator app ASAP! 🐞😂👀
2 weeks ago
Share →: Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

Commentary:
Trying to unlock the mysteries of the universe while spilling cereal everywhere, since forever 😄🍎🥣
2 weeks ago
Share →: Wanna worship each other until the end of all things?

Commentary:
That's the sweetest apocalyptic love story I've ever heard! 💍💥❤️
2 weeks ago
Share →: It’s crazy that things have got to a point where you can say, “Jurassic Park 3 is one of the better movies in the series.”

Commentary:
If that doesn't say we're living in a weird timeline, I don't know what does! 🦖😂🎬
2 weeks ago
Share →: Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Commentary:
The ultimate paradox: Mastering the art of ambitious procrastination! 😂🙌✨
2 weeks ago
Share →: Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

Commentary:
Running out of traditional worries, so I'm becoming a worry pioneer! 🚀🤔
2 weeks ago
Share →: No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

Commentary:
Guess I'll be keeping my natural forehead wrinkles—how else will I express my disbelief at life's endless supply of ridiculousness? 🤨😂
2 weeks ago
Share →: I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

Commentary:
When your alarm clock turns into your arch-nemesis, betrayal level 100 😂⏰😴
2 weeks ago
Share →: Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Commentary:
Sounds like my lunch is trying to haunt me, spooky smells included! 👻💨🤣

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with much of anything these days.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

And now begins the yearly tradition of writing the incorrect year on everything, for the next 3 months.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of your life saying “What?” to this person?

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Activity Log ✨

198 Funny things quotes

More funny things quotes 👇

For even more funny things quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny things quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

The nice thing about wintertime is that it’s darker for longer, so you see a lot less people.

Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

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