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117 Funny thought quotes

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  • Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

    Commentary:
    “Who said optimism had to be hard work? 😂💭 Embrace the joy of knowing that your cozy bed awaits you in just 17 short hours! Sweet dreams, dreamer! 💤✨”

  • If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

    Commentary:
    “If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I’d probably be contemplating retirement plans by now. 💸 But hey, that just means you’re worth every penny of my mental wealth! 💭😄”

  • Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

    Commentary:
    Looks like the kitchen drama turned into a bathroom surprise plot twist! 🪳🚽 Who knew a cockroach could cause such a household adventure? Just another day in the life of an unexpected insect relocation expert! 🤣 #HouseholdHijinks

  • Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

    Commentary:
    🤣💔 Ah, the future Mrs. DiCaprio starting kindergarten! That’s some serious relationship goals right there. Imagine her nervously trading crayons with other kids, hoping that Leo will notice her finger-painting skills. Leonardo better start practicing his ABCs to keep up with her! 🎨💑

  • Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a diary when you can ‘like’ your own thoughts out loud? 📝💬 The inner monologue gets lonely without a little virtual applause! 👏😄 #JournalingForValidation”

  • Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

    Commentary:
    Well, it seems like the cicadas have a secret hideout for some well-deserved peace and quiet – unlike us humans, always stuck in the hustle and bustle of daily life! 🦗🤫 Maybe we could all benefit from a cicada retreat for some therapeutic screaming sessions! 🌿🗣️ #CicadaSerenity

  • You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

    Commentary:
    When the speed limit feels like a mere suggestion rather than a rule 😂🚗💨 Who are these mythical creatures actually following it?? 🤔 #LifeinaFastLane #NeedforSpeed

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