If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

Commentary:
"Note to self: Bears are not fluffy cuddle buddies 🐻 Better stick to petting kittens next time, much safer and less likely to end up as a woodland creature's lunch! 😅"

Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

Commentary:
"Leave those subpar speakers at home, you're not hosting a forest dance party! 🎵🌲 Let nature's playlist take the lead – the birds and the breeze have got Katy Perry beat any day! 🐦💨 #NatureSoundsBetter"

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

Commentary:
"Remember, even Mother Nature has a sense of humor 😄🌳 Don't let a fallen tree be a Freudian slip! Safety first, especially when dealing with exes and chainsaws! 🔪😅"

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive big bag of money in the woods 🌳💰 The ultimate treasure hunt for aspiring financial wizards! Who needs a glass ceiling when you can have a leafy canopy overhead? Here's to forging your own path to fiscal fortune, one forest escapade at a time! 🌲🔍 #MoneyTrees #ForestRiches"

If you're lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

Commentary:
🌲🗣️💬 "If you're ever lost in the woods, just remember: starting a debate about politics is guaranteed to summon help faster than shouting 'help!' 🏕️🤔💥"

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Commentary:
🐻💩 Looks like this bear is really in a *sticky* situation! 🙈 Let's hope he can *bear* through it and come out of the woods feeling *paw-sitively* better soon! 🌲🐻💚

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

Commentary:
"Who needs ghosts when you can be the one giving the trees chills? 😆🌲 Channel your inner mischief and make the woods gossip about you! 👻 #SpookyGoals"

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

Commentary:
"Taking a stroll through the woods is a thrilling game of survival 😅🐻 Who needs a treadmill when you have the great outdoors ready to keep you on your toes…literally? Just don't forget the bear repellent and maybe a snack for the bear too, you know, as a peace offering 🍯🐾"