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Living blissfully in my own bubble of confusion since forever 😂🤷♂️✨
Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?
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Guess I’ll just flip a coin before tying the knot 🤔💍😂
Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.
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With all these clowns, you'd think we'd at least get a free circus show 🤡🎪😂
Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.
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"Next, they’ll add social media notifications to the road signs! 🙈🚗💥"
Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.
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Who knew cats were secretly training us for the Olympics? 🏃♂️🐈⬛😹
I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.
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Sounds like you're breaking the ice with a dance battle invitation! 💃🕺😅
Gollum is like, “Actually, this is my emotional support precious.”
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When your therapist says "find a support pet," and you take it way too literally 😂💍 #ProtectThePrecious
Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?
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"Just once, I'd like the free gift to be something other than 'nature's marble'! 🥑🎁😅"
Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?
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Looks like coffee machines and babies both come with their own set of sleepless nights and surprises! ☕👶🤣
People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.
Commentary:
Boldly going where no 'Trekkie' has gone before… straight into the wrong fandom 🚀🌌😂