Funny quotes around

90 Funny around quotes

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

2 weeks ago

Told my homie I was “going through it” and he just said “go around it”.

2 weeks ago

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

3 weeks ago

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

2 months ago

The best way to enjoy your tea while the world is falling apart around you is to remember that the world has always been falling apart around you.

2 months ago

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

3 months ago

According to the web, caffeine deficiency is a life threatening condition for people around you.

3 months ago

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

3 months ago

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

3 months ago

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

3 months ago

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

3 months ago

Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

3 months ago

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

3 months ago

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

3 months ago

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

3 months ago

Dear people who talk on speakerphone out in public. Everyone around you hates you.

3 months ago

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

3 months ago

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

3 months ago

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

3 months ago

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

3 months ago

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

3 months ago

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

3 months ago

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

3 months ago

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

3 months ago

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

3 months ago

The only traditional costume people around me wear is sweatpants.

3 months ago

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

3 months ago

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

3 months ago

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

3 months ago

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

3 months ago