18 Funny everywhere quotes

• Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

  ---

  1 day ago

  corral, everywhere, fly, food, food place, fruit, fruit fly, funny observation, golden, Golden Corral, humor, insect, observation, place, supermarket, why

• I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

  ---

  2 months ago

  always, darth, Darth Vader, ever, everywhere, hell, hero, humor, i, just, run, running, saunter, seen, sprint, style, vader, villain, walking, walking style

• Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

  ---

  2 months ago

  beat, beating, broke, everywhere, found, harder, home, humor, joke, laziness, me, motivation, nothing, robbery, search, telling, thief, work, yesterday

• My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

  ---

  2 months ago

  comedy, commit, crime, crime evidence, detective, DNA, everywhere, evidence, forensic, hair, humor, i, joke, leave, me, never, self-deprecating

• Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

  ---

  2 months ago

  bias, big, cognitive, cognitive bias, deal, everywhere, guys, humor, humor about bias, i, joke, observation, psychology, recency, recency bias, seeing

• How do they know an animal is extinct? Like, have you really looked everywhere?

  ---

  2 months ago

  animal, everywhere, extinct, humor, know, nature, observation, question

• Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

  ---

  2 months ago

  come over, everywhere, hair, humor, i, mess, over, pet, shed, visit

• It’s crazy windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere, so watch out for your ex.

  ---

  2 months ago

  blowing, crazy, everywhere, ex, humor, nature, relationship, today, trash, watch, weather, wind

• Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

  ---

  2 months ago

  everywhere, gardening, healthy, house, houseplant, humor, i, indoor, indoor gardening, joke, observation, oh, plants, stereotype, thriving, walking, witchcraft

• I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

  ---

  2 months ago

  Beatles, everywhere, hair, here, i, lyric, morning, music, woke

All funny everywhere quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌