18 Funny everywhere quotes

• I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

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  4 weeks ago

  always, darth, Darth Vader, ever, everywhere, hell, hero, humor, i, just, run, running, saunter, seen, sprint, style, vader, villain, walking, walking style

• Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

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  4 weeks ago

  beat, beating, broke, everywhere, found, harder, home, humor, joke, laziness, me, motivation, nothing, robbery, search, telling, thief, work, yesterday

• My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

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  4 weeks ago

  comedy, commit, crime, crime evidence, detective, DNA, everywhere, evidence, forensic, hair, humor, i, joke, leave, me, never, self-deprecating

• Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

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  4 weeks ago

  bias, big, cognitive, cognitive bias, deal, everywhere, guys, humor, humor about bias, i, joke, observation, psychology, recency, recency bias, seeing

• How do they know an animal is extinct? Like, have you really looked everywhere?

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  4 weeks ago

  animal, everywhere, extinct, humor, know, nature, observation, question

• Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

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  1 month ago

  come over, everywhere, hair, humor, i, mess, over, pet, shed, visit

• It’s crazy windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere, so watch out for your ex.

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  1 month ago

  blowing, crazy, everywhere, ex, humor, nature, relationship, today, trash, watch, weather, wind

• Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

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  1 month ago

  everywhere, gardening, healthy, house, houseplant, humor, i, indoor, indoor gardening, joke, observation, oh, plants, stereotype, thriving, walking, witchcraft

• I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

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  1 month ago

  Beatles, everywhere, hair, here, i, lyric, morning, music, woke

• I love cute tiny purses, but I’m sad to say I can never be a cute tiny purse girl. I need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere I go, because what if….

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  1 month ago

  accessory, carry, cute, cute purse, everyday, everyday carry, everywhere, fashion, girl, hoard, humor, i, item, love, need, never, objects, personal, personal item, purse, sad, say, tiny, tiny purse

All funny everywhere quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌