14 Funny everywhere quotes

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  1 month ago

  Share →: My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

  Commentary:
  "With my DNA all over the place, I'd be caught before the crime is even committed! 🚔🔬😂"

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  2 months ago

  Share →: Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

  Commentary:
  "Recency bias? Never heard of it until today, and now it's all I can think about! 😂🧠🔄 Must be trending like yesterday's leftovers! 🍕📈"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: How do they know an animal is extinct? Like, have you really looked everywhere?

  Commentary:
  "Seriously, have they checked under all the couch cushions though? 🦖🕵️‍♂️ Maybe the dinosaurs are just really good at hide and seek!"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

  Commentary:
  🤣 Sure, just be prepared to leave a part of yourself behind for posterity! 🐾 Who needs a fancy rug when you've got a friend like me shedding everywhere, right? 🙈 #FriendshipGoals #PetHairEverywhere

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  5 months ago

  Share →: It’s crazy windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere, so watch out for your ex.

  Commentary:
  🌬️💨 Hold on to your hats, folks! This wind has no chill. Be careful out there, especially if you see your ex approaching like a tumbleweed in the storm! Who knew Mother Nature had a sense of humor too? 😂 #WeatherDrama

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

  Commentary:
  "Stepping into a botanical wonderland like that is a clear sign that you're dealing with a modern-day sorcerer 🪴✨ Who needs potions and spells when you've got a jungle for a home? 🌿🔮 #PlantMagic"

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  6 months ago

  Share →: I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like someone had a fab hair day! 🎶✨ Channeling those Beatles vibes with your hair getting a ticket to ride in all directions! Maybe a little help from Sergeant Pepper's comb would do the trick! 🚂💈 #FabFourHairGoals"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

  Commentary:
  Looks like your son has unlocked the ultimate bagel transformation power! 🥯🌍 Watch out, world, we now have an "everywhere bagel" on the loose – he's spreading deliciousness in every corner of the globe! Who knew a simple bagel could have such grand ambitions? 🌟 #BagelGoals

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the ol' 'fake it till you make it' strategy on full display! 🤣 Who knew a simple shirt could be the ultimate power move in life and in avoiding chores at crowded events? 🙌 Bravo to this genius mastermind wandering around in plain sight! 👕💼 #LifeHack101"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

  Commentary:
  "Sounds like a legit reason to don a shark costume and embrace your inner predator! 🦈💁‍♀️ Just remember, you're a fearsome force of nature – and maybe keep the snappy comments to a minimum. 🩸😂 #SharkWeekRealness"

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