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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Tried online dating, and it turns out my soulmate is a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details to escape his kingdom.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

When I die and y’all go through my search history, you’ll be disappointed to find mostly just definitions for very common words that I wasn’t sure I was using correctly.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,480

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Reddit:

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

Making waves on TikTok:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I know stretching every day will help me, but I don’t want to do it.

Spotted on Instagram:

Not opening up anymore, have fun trying to figure me out.

Spotted on Facebook:

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Spotted on Pinterest:

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

Going bananas on X:

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting, until you realize you are the only one in the room.

72 Funny existential quotes

Funny existential quotes 🤔😂 are a delightful blend of humor and deep thought, offering a whimsical lens through which we can ponder life’s big questions. They tickle our brains 🧠 while making us chuckle, creating a perfect cocktail of wit and wisdom. Whether you’re in need of a philosophical giggle or simply enjoy a good paradox, these quotes have a way of making the absurdity of existence a little more bearable and a lot more entertaining! 🌟

New funny existential quotes 👇

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

9 hours ago

after, ejaculation, everything, existential, existential realization, humor, male, male perspective, men, perspective, realization, realize, upon, vanity
Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

15 hours ago

alien, aliens, alone, animal, animals, dying, existential, government, humor, just, leaving, loneliness, me, planet, relationship, us
Sometimes I’m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see.

3 weeks ago

brief, existential, existential question, hang, hang out, i, love, moment, people, point, question, reflection, sometimes
Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

2 months ago

apocalypse, end, end times, existential, front-row, front-row seat, getting, humor, joke, satire, seat, times
Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

2 months ago

curiosity, drug, enough, existential, God, high, humor, humor quote, satire, spirituality, stay, think, tuned
Life is too short, and death is too long.

2 months ago

contemplation, death, existential, humor, irony, life, short, too
I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

2 months ago

existential, humor, humor quote, just, life, point, self-deprecation, where
I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

2 months ago

confusion, doing, even, existential, humor, humor quote, life, planet, sure
If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

2 months ago

absolutely, am, anxiety, being, dark, dark humor, day, death, doom, existential, existential humor, health, humor, humor about death, i, last, live, means, mental, mental health, procrastination, sarcasm, self-deprecating, sense
Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

2 months ago

am, convinced, existential, humor, i, joke, late, lateness, philosophy, procrastination, real, reality, sarcasm, sorry, time

For even more funny existential quotes, hit next 👇

All funny existential quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

My whole life, I never read a warning label telling me not to eat laundry detergent or put glue in my hair, somehow I just knew.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

97 shares on Reddit this month:

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

Millionaires and multi-billion dollar companies be like, “We’re doing our part by asking the poor to donate to the poor.”

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

51 shares on Threads this month:

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

People ask you, “are you crazy”, and then get scared when you answer, “yes”.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme casual attire.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Ugh, but profoundly.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,460

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I think one of my biggest hangups in getting better at Spanish is that speaking with the correct accent makes me feel racist.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

A moth flies into your face out of nowhere. You could ask him why he does that, but what would you do with the information?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t fight my demons anymore. We collaborate.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

“Male loneliness epidemic” and it’s just karma and the consequences of their actions.

Making waves on Reddit:

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

Shared recently on Reddit:

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Chickens only make one sound, because they can’t think outside the bawks.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

Just shared via Telegram:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Just shared via Facebook:

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

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