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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that Coke is in the fridge.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2155 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,317

Funny Quotes Topics

15,045

Funny Quotes Images

12,317

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?

Going viral on Facebook:

Not gonna lie, I just assume everyone is AI now.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Making waves on Slack:

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

Trending via Messenger:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Making waves on Telegram:

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

Home » Funny Health Quotes » Page 9

311 Funny health quotes

More funny health quotes 👇

1 month ago
Share →: I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Commentary:
"Sending positive vibes and bed sheets for everyone's well-being! 😜🛌 #MentalHealthMatters"
1 month ago
Share →: Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

Commentary:
"Saturday Night Fever's new remix: a dance between the couch, the tissue box, and a steamy bowl of soup! 🛋️🤧🍜✨"
1 month ago
Share →: Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

Commentary:
"Guess it's time to trade in the sports car for a minivan! 🚗🔧😂 #LifeInThe40s"
2 months ago
Share →: My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Commentary:
"Currently balancing on the tightrope between 'What's happening in the world?' and 'I can't handle the news!' 🤹‍♂️📰🤯"
2 months ago
Share →: My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Commentary:
"Revenge? I prefer to call it 'strategic planning for future laughter.' 😂🗡️🎭"
2 months ago
Share →: Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Commentary:
"BRB, upgrading my brain software. Please hold while I process your opinion! 🧠🔄😂"
2 months ago
Share →: Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Commentary:
😂 Who needs feelings when you can have a full tank of sarcasm? 🤖🛠️ #JokesOnly #UpgradeComplete
2 months ago
Share →: If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Commentary:
"Right?! If they can't handle pipes, how are my intestines supposed to handle them?! 🤯💊🚽😂"
2 months ago
Share →: Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

Commentary:
"😂 Just realized my calling might be therapist avoidance instead! 🏃‍♂️💨 #EmotionalEscapeArtist"
2 months ago
Share →: No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

…

Commentary:
"When life gives you blues, just remember it's not a symptom, it's an episode! 🐾🔍😂"

For even more funny health quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny health quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

About to form my very first opinion.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Kendrick inspires me to be a bigger, deeper, more passionate hater.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

Just landed via Discord:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Shared recently on X:

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

Just landed via Slack:

I don’t fight my demons anymore. We collaborate.

Just shared via TikTok:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

Making waves on Snapchat:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

Making waves on WeChat:

I’m getting targeted ads about chin fat and I’m offended by the relevance.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

311 Funny health quotes

More funny health quotes 👇

For even more funny health quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny health quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If I met someone like me, I’d be really concerned for them.

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

Gnocchi: The small, chubby children of spaghetti and potatoes.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

Dear Santa, Money!

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

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