90 Funny keep quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like the pens are the real precious assets at that bank! 🖊️💰 Maybe the pens are off on a vacation, spending all that safe money somewhere sunny… 🌴😎 Just don't let them draw on your bank account balance!"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

  Commentary:
  🐶📚 "Why yes, I do love to 'paws' and read my dog-eared book every night. Who needs new bookmarks when you can have eared bookmarks, right? 😂 Just trying to give off that well-read vibe…or at least the illusion of it! 🤓"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: “Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

  Commentary:
  When someone says "Don't let me keep you!" what they actually mean is "Please exit the premises immediately, I beg of you! 🚪💨" Just remember, polite language can sometimes hide savage intentions! 😂 #ReadingBetweenTheLines

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

  Commentary:
  "Let's all push for a world where 'better you than me' becomes the ultimate compassion phrase for chronic complainers. 🙃 It's the polite way of saying 'I don't have time for your drama, but thanks for the entertainment!' 😂 #NormalizeBetterYouThanMe"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

  Commentary:
  "Just out here multitasking like a pro – warming up both my seat and my burrito because priorities, am I right? 🚗🔥🌯 #LifeHacks"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

  Commentary:
  Looks like the dogs are ready to play fetch with your snack! 🐶🎾 Who knew an innocent orange could cause such confusion in the canine world? Maybe next time you should stick to apples to avoid any ball-shaped food mix-ups! 😄🍊

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

  Commentary:
  "Trying to make things idiot proof is like trying to build a better mousetrap… Except the mice are always reinventing themselves! 🤦‍♂️🤣 #SisyphusSyndrome"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like those nose-cancelling headphones are doing a top-notch job… maybe a little too well! 🤷‍♂️ Trust me, you're not the only one balancing fashion and functionality like a champ! 👓🎧 #Nosecancellingstruggles"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the great Lou Read – serenading your ears with music and amusing your mind during bathroom breaks 🎶📚 Who knew he could be such a multi-talented artist, providing both tunes and toilet reads! 🚽📖 #MusicalInspirations #MultiTaskingMaster"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like we've hit the jackpot of… nothingness! 🤷‍♂️ Keep on scrolling, folks, because apparently, we've reached the black hole of content creation where the content has vanished into thin air! 😆"

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