13 Funny killed quotes

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

  Commentary:
  "They realized it was just the camera's way of saying 'I see you!' 📸😈😅"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

  Commentary:
  "Ah, Pilates – the workout so intense, it even has biblical origins! 💪🙏 Who knew getting those abs of steel could be so… divine? 😂 #HolyGains"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

  Commentary:
  Absolutely! 😂 Oh the classic case of self-sabotage, where your vibe goes from 💃 to 🚫 in a matter of seconds just because your brain decided to hit the rewind button to a cringe-worthy memory! Remembering past mishaps is like being your own personal DJ, playing the greatest hits of awkward moments on repeat! 🤦‍♂️💥 #VibeKiller #ThrowbackTroubles

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Cupid’s arrow should have just killed me instead.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like Cupid missed the mark on this one! 😅💘 Who knew love could be so hazardous? Maybe next time Cupid should consider switching to a Nerf bow and arrow for safety reasons. 🏹 #ValentinesDayGoneWrong"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the infamous work meeting – modern day assassin of productivity! Beware, lest you end up like Julius Caesar. 🗡️💼 #EtTuZoomMeeting"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the mysteries of Twitter! 🤔🕵️‍♀️ Who knew Jennifer Aniston had such hidden talents? 😂 Maybe she time-traveled back to the '60s for a guest role in the biggest plot twist of the century! 🕰️🎬 #ConspiracyAniston

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic 'I'm better than the Gods' spiel. 🙄 Bold move, my friend. Let's hope they have a sense of humor up there. 💁‍♂️ Remember, even heroes can trip over their own cape sometimes! 🦸‍♂️ #HubrisAlert"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

  Commentary:
  "Talk about tough luck! Five mass extinctions survived, only to meet a furry fashion critic with killer instincts 🦁🎄 #ThanksADecorativeHouseCat"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: A McRib killed my tapeworm.

  Commentary:
  Looks like the McRib is not only satisfying cravings but also eliminating unwanted guests! 🍔🐛 Who knew it had such hidden talents? Just another reason to love fast food, right? 🤣

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Your odds are greater of being killed by a coconut rather than a shark and this is exactly why I don’t swim in coconut-infested waters.

  Commentary:
  "Coconuts: the silent assassins lurking in tropical paradise 🥥🦈 Who needs Jaws when you have falling coconuts to fear? Better stick to the pool, it's safer… unless there are coconuts growing nearby! 😂🌴 #CoconutConundrum"

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