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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

We’re all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

In university, you can literally tell who had no freedom at home.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I love people who refuse to follow the crowd. The crowd is always lost, follow your inner compass.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

The oceans are rising because no one is drinking their recommended 8-12 glasses of water per day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,820

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

Making waves on Facebook:

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

Just landed via Instagram:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

Trending via YouTube:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

Spotted on Instagram:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Going viral on Facebook:

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

248 Funny new quotes

More funny new quotes 👇

The bad news is I forgot to wear my spaghetti-eating shirt. The good news is I have a new spaghetti-eating shirt.

0

3 months ago

bad, bad news, eating, forgot, good, good news, humor, i, new, news, shirt, spaghetti, wear
Sorry if I seem sad, I got a new long-sleeve shirt for fall, but I haven’t been able to wear it yet because it’s 94°.

0

3 months ago

able, clothing, fall, fashion, frustration, got, heat, hot, hot weather, humor, i, long-sleeve, long-sleeve shirt, mismatch, new, sad, seasonal, seasonal frustration, shirt, sorry, temperature, wear, weather, weather mismatch
They say 30 is the new 20, and 40 the new 30. All I know is 9 p.m. is the new midnight.

0

3 months ago

20, 30, 40, 9, age, bedtime, humor, i, know, lifestyle, midnight, new, night, party, say, time
Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

0

3 months ago

answer, contemplation, frustration, humor, new, nothing, sarcasm, sky, staring
Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

0

3 months ago

awkward, awkwardness, cry, crying, front, humor, i, insecurity, least, myself, new, self-talk, sexy, stranger, strangers, telling
I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

0

3 months ago

boyfriend, dating, humor, i, identity, knows, love, man, name, new, nickname, nobody, relationship, saying, secrecy
Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

0

3 months ago

anytime, frustration, gap, generational, generational gap, grasp, i, learning, new, new things, parent, parents, something, technology, things, used, why, wonder
It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

0

4 months ago

adulthood, being, humor, irony, just, lesson, life, life lesson, new, responsibility, responsible, reward, sucks
Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

0

4 months ago

age, beginning, change, decision, everything, good, know, leave, life, life change, love, new, new beginning, over, start, starting, starting over, uncertainty
I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

0

4 months ago

calling, everything, grok, guy, humor, i, know-it-all, knows, new, new guy, nickname, office, started, work

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All funny new quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

I hate liars, but what I hate more is when they think I’m an idiot and won’t find out the truth.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

Genuinely, why does the logo of every AI chatbot look like a butthole?

65 shares on Telegram this month:

You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

You think you’re cool and then you see a video of yourself running.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

26 shares on Discord this month:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

39 shares on YouTube this month:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Double chins are better than double faces.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Due to the humidity, my hair has chosen violence.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

“Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

Just landed via WeChat:

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

Broadcasted on Slack:

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Shared recently on Messenger:

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

Going viral on Slack:

You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.

Breaking via Snapchat:

It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.

Activity Log ✨

248 Funny new quotes

More funny new quotes 👇

All funny new quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨