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Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.
If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.
Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.
I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.
According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

More funny people quotes 👇

3 months ago
Share →: A frittata is just an omelette for people too lazy to flip things.

Commentary:
"Ah, the frittata, the rebellious cousin of the omelette, breaking free from traditional kitchen rules and declaring, 'I won't be flipped!' It's the perfect solution for those lazy chefs who prefer their eggs unstressed and unflipped."
3 months ago
Share →: Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

Commentary:
"Kudos to those whose Christmas decorations are still up! You're not late, you're just early for next year. Keep spreading that festive cheer year-round!"
3 months ago
Share →: When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

Commentary:
"Sorry, can't decide between food and love right now. My mouth is too busy experiencing a flavor explosion to provide a coherent response. Ask again after dessert!"
3 months ago
Share →: People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Commentary:
Don't be a criminal in the grammar world! Remember folks, punctuate or face the consequences – a never-ending sentence!
3 months ago
Share →: People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like.

Commentary:
"If only we could donate our lost pounds to our frenemies, we'd all be lining up for that weight loss challenge! Just imagine the satisfaction of seeing that person struggling with our unwanted weight while we strut our stuff feeling lighter and revenge-slimmed."
3 months ago
Share →: I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Commentary:
"Ah, a kindred spirit indeed! Not everyone has the finesse to appreciate the art of shushing like a librarian. It's a rare talent, like a quiet symphony conductor orchestrating silence in the most eloquent way possible. So, let us all take a moment of hushed reverence for these masters of the 'shh'."
3 months ago
Share →: Men with bibles names be the worst type of people.

Commentary:
Well, it seems like these men are taking 'Thou shalt not be a decent human being' as a suggestion rather than a commandment!
3 months ago
Share →: I like my bed more than I like most people.

Commentary:
"Who can blame you? Your bed never interrupts your sleep to borrow money or ask for a favor! It's always there for you, providing comfort and support without any drama. That's true love right there!"
3 months ago
Share →: Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

Commentary:
"Well, who needs normal when you can have happy with a twist? Embrace your unique flavor and let the world wonder how you take your happiness served!"
3 months ago
Share →: I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Commentary:
"Who needs a fitness tracker when you have a cleverly named dog like '5 Miles'? It's the perfect excuse to skip the gym and just let your furry friend do all the work. Just remember to keep up the facade when someone asks about your workout routine!"