Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that. Posted on10 hours ago
Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it. Posted on14 hours ago
When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response. Posted on15 hours ago
My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile. Posted on17 hours ago
If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room? Posted on20 hours ago
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet. Posted on1 day ago
That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again. Posted on2 days ago
When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi. Posted on2 days ago
I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am. Posted on3 days ago
“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong. Posted on3 days ago
My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room. Posted on3 days ago
The mattress in the guest room was perfectly fine until I had to sleep on it once. Posted on3 days ago
I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks. Posted on3 days ago
They say time is the solution to every problem. I’ve been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy. Posted on3 days ago
I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find. Posted on5 days ago
You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”. Posted on2 weeks ago5 days ago