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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,852

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

Trending via Twitch:

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Making waves on Telegram:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

Live now on Instagram:

When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

Making waves on TikTok:

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

Making waves on Slack:

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Apparently I lack empathy, according to some stupid cow in HR.

Home » Funny Show Quotes » Page 12

122 Funny show quotes

More funny show quotes 👇

I hate when I finish a show and don’t know what to do with my life.

0

3 months ago

boredom, entertainment, feeling, feeling lost, finish, free, free time, frustration, hate, i, know, life, lost, show, time, watching
I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

0

3 months ago

binge, binge-watching, collection, episode, every, hoarder, Hoarders, humor, saved, saving, show, TV, TV Show, watching
Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

0

3 months ago

anyone, else, good, good person, humor, interaction, just, kindness, old, old person, ones, people, person, show, smile, social, social interaction
An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

0

4 months ago

alcoholic, host, humor, kurt, Kurt Vonnegut, morning, morning show host, satire, secretary, Secretary of War, shit, show, vonnegut, war
On the next episode of Hoarders, they visit my subconscious.

0

4 months ago

clutter, episode, hoarder, Hoarders, humor, mental, mental clutter, next, show, subconscious, TV, TV Show, visit
Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

0

4 months ago

amelia, Amelia Earhart, costume, earhart, everyone, funny story, going, Halloween, i, joke, never, no show, party, show, story, told, top, year
“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

0

4 months ago

avoidance, cancel, coming, commitment, even, excuse, excuse phrase, flake, humor, never, no show, phrase, sarcasm, show
Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

0

5 months ago

airport, car, caught, company, customer, customer service, frustration, guard, hand, humor, job, me, rental, rental car, rental company, reservation, sarcasm, service, show, sorry, wait, wanted
The worst part about being an adult is that no matter how sad you get, the show must go on.

0

5 months ago

adult, being, emotion, humor, life, matter, perseverance, resilience, responsibility, sad, sadness, show, worst
This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

0

5 months ago

activity, after, art, back, bring, call-in, calling, drunk, fan, fan activity, football, football season, game, getting, local, lost, lost art, need, radio, radio show, season, show, Teams

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on TikTok this month:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

38 shares on Discord this month:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m so bored, I’m gonna join a poly-relationship and stage a coup and kick the main one out.

30 shares on Slack this month:

Apparently, throwing the remote against the wall didn’t help recharging the batteries.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

17 shares on Slack this month:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

screenshotting people’s close friends and posting it directly to my own story.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Netflix subtitles be like “speaking foreign language”. Bro, translate it!

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

In case of a disaster, women and children are being evacuated first so men can think about a solution in peace.

Spotted on X:

Just got my steps in by avoiding someone I know.

Going bananas on Instagram:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

Just shared via Slack:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Spotted on Messenger:

I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

Shared recently on Threads:

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

Going viral on Slack:

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

Activity Log ✨

122 Funny show quotes

More funny show quotes 👇

All funny show quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨