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Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

96 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,690

Funny Quotes Topics

16,895

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14,690

Updated

Dec 1, 2025

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Just landed via YouTube:

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

Making waves on TikTok:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Spotted on Slack:

It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

Just shared via Twitch:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Just landed via Reddit:

Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

Seen just now on Facebook:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Home » Funny Show Quotes » Page 12

118 Funny show quotes

More funny show quotes 👇

3 months ago

Commentary:
Next on Hoarders: a tour of all my questionable life choices! 💭😂📚

clutter, episode, hoarder, Hoarders, humor, mental, mental clutter, next, show, subconscious, TV, TV Show, visit
3 months ago

Commentary:
That's some next-level commitment to the theme! Amelia Earhart would be proud! 🛩️🎃🕵️‍♀️

amelia, Amelia Earhart, costume, earhart, everyone, funny story, going, Halloween, i, joke, never, no show, party, show, story, told, top, year
4 months ago

Commentary:
Oh yeah, "I'll see" is the ultimate RSVP for the socially averse 😂🚫🙅‍♂️

avoidance, cancel, coming, commitment, even, excuse, excuse phrase, flake, humor, never, no show, phrase, sarcasm, show
4 months ago

Commentary:
Sure thing! How about this: "I guess I should have sent a 6-month notice before actually wanting a car 🚗🤔🙈"

airport, car, caught, company, customer, customer service, frustration, guard, hand, humor, job, me, rental, rental car, rental company, reservation, sarcasm, service, show, sorry, wait, wanted
4 months ago

Commentary:
Adulting is the ultimate showbiz gig—no sick days, just sparkles and tissues! 🎭😅🧻

adult, being, emotion, humor, life, matter, perseverance, resilience, responsibility, sad, sadness, show, worst
4 months ago

Commentary:
Who needs art classes when you can master the craft of passionate post-game rants? 🎨📞🍻

activity, after, art, back, bring, call-in, calling, drunk, fan, fan activity, football, football season, game, getting, local, lost, lost art, need, radio, radio show, season, show, Teams
4 months ago

Commentary:
Watch out, mirrors, it's forehead-kissing time! 😂💋👻

forehead, humor, i, joke, kiss, mirror, name, playful, say, show, superstition, three, times
4 months ago

Commentary:
Can't wait to live in blissful ignorance forever! 😄🌈💕

color, colors, dating, here, honesty, honeymoon, honeymoon phase, humor, me, only, phase, relationship, sarcasm, show, true, true color

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I can now see how sitting on a porch could fill an entire life.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

Making waves on Messenger:

Two sheep walk into a baaaaa.

Just shared via TikTok:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

Shared recently on Facebook:

A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you”

Shared recently on WeChat:

When kids try to guess your age it will either be completely flattering or utterly devastating, but never correct.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I have thought one billion times about everything.

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Activity Log ✨

118 Funny show quotes

More funny show quotes 👇

All funny show quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Without the words ‘literally’ and ‘like,’ I am nothing.

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Remember when Mustangs were muscle cars and not an embarrassment to the name.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

And for my next trick, I’ll set your soul on fire.

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

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