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142 Funny situation quotes

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

3 months ago

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

3 months ago

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

3 months ago

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

3 months ago

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

3 months ago

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

3 months ago

Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

3 months ago

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

3 months ago

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

3 months ago

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

3 months ago

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

3 months ago

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

3 months ago

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

3 months ago

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

3 months ago

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

3 months ago

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

3 months ago

Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

3 months ago

Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

3 months ago

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

3 months ago

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

3 months ago