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334 Funny someone quotes

Trending Funny Someone Quotes 🔥

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.
I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?
Twitter is great because you can tweet “hi” and someone will tell you you’re wrong.
Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.
Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

More funny someone quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Normalize asking if this is an intervention whenever someone invites you over.

Commentary:
"Plot twist: your friends are just really worried about your extensive snack collection 🍔🍕 #InterventionOrNah"
5 months ago
Share →: Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Commentary:
Ah, the blissful ignorance of billions! 🌍💭 Don't worry, you're too fabulous to be missed by all of them anyway! 💁‍♂️💫 Just remember, it's their loss for not recognizing your awesomeness! 😄🌟
5 months ago
Share →: Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

Commentary:
Ah, the good old days when asking for directions led to friendly banter and getting lost! Now with Google, finding answers is like asking your unhelpful friend who claims they know everything but ends up just as clueless 🤷‍♂️🔍.
5 months ago
Share →: If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

Commentary:
"Next time someone asks why you're single, just hit 'em with the classic response: 'Got lucky. 🍀💔' Who needs a relationship drama when you've got all the free time and sleep to yourself, am I right? 😄 #LivingMyBestSingleLife"
5 months ago
Share →: Romance level: At some point, someone comes by, sees me and thinks: “Oh well, my God, why not?”

Commentary:
"Romance level: When your presence is so irresistible that someone's inner monologue goes from 'Oh well' to 'My God, why not?' 🌟😂 Who knew you had that effect on people?"
5 months ago
Share →: When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Commentary:
"Bravo to this wheelie awesome individual! 🎉♿️ Who knew saving the world would come with a seating arrangement requirement? 😂💰 Keep rollin' towards that million, one wheel revolution at a time! 🌟🚲 #WheelchairWisdom"
5 months ago
Share →: I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Commentary:
"Oh, so you're practicing the 'out of sight, out of pickpocket's mind' strategy at work? 😆 Better watch out for those office ninjas silently stealing wallets while you catch some z's! 🕵️💼💤"
5 months ago
Share →: Getting old is not fun. Sometimes I have to check my texts and photos when someone asks me what I did yesterday.

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of aging – where 'senior moments' become a daily adventure! 🧓📱 Don't worry, just tell them you were too busy living in the moment to remember it! 😅 #ForeverYoungAtHeart"
5 months ago
Share →: When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

Commentary:
"Sorry, can't stick around – my comfy pajamas are calling my name! Gotta make sure I'm fashionably early to that appointment. 💤🌙"
5 months ago
Share →: When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old dilemma of dream jobs vs. dreamy thoughts 🤔💭 Why dream about working when you could be dreaming about a beach vacation instead? 🏖️ #beachbumlife"