Commentary:
Congratulations on achieving cable immortality! 🎉👏 It's like finding the Holy Grail of tech! 🏆🔌
287 Funny today quotes
They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.
Commentary:
Thinking about the gym so hard, I almost broke a mental sweat! 🧠💪😂
There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.
Commentary:
Looks like we've all just agreed to play along with the world's longest game of "Guess the Day" 🤔📆😂
Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.
Commentary:
Looks like I need a supplement to remember my supplements! 🧠💊🤔
Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.
Commentary:
Achievement unlocked: Navigating like a rockstar without muting the jam session! 🎶🚗✨
My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.
Commentary:
Who needs a GPS when you've got a toddler with 20/20 vision? 😂👓🦁
The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.
Commentary:
Your bank account is living its best life while mine is on a treadmill and still not going anywhere! 💸😅📉
I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.
Commentary:
I'm starting to think my sleep schedule is trying to time travel without me! ⏰🚀😴
Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.
Commentary:
Just waiting for the elevator to reach the "Next Time, Press the Close Door Button Faster" floor 😂🚪🕴️
Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.
Commentary:
Talk about car-ma! Sure hope he has GPS to navigate through the tears 😂🚗💔