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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Why would a needle be in a haystack, anyway?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

An entire generation is currently studying for jobs that will not exist.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

“This would be better if there was cake” really does ring true in any situation.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I don’t care for small talk. I prefer awkward silence.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,740

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Going bananas on Discord:

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

Breaking via Discord:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

Just landed via Facebook:

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

Breaking via YouTube:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Shared recently on X:

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

109 Funny wait quotes

Funny wait quotes are like the perfect seasoning to the sometimes tedious moments of waiting, adding a dash of humor and making time fly by. 🎉 Whether you’re in line at the coffee shop, waiting for a friend who’s perpetually late, or stuck in a seemingly endless meeting, these quotes can turn impatience into a giggle-fest. So, next time you’re stuck waiting, let a funny quote tickle your patience and keep you smiling! 😂

New funny wait quotes 👇

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

2 hours ago

aging, faster, humor, i, know, lesson, life, life lesson, line, much, number, older, patience, things, wait, waiting, zero
I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

5 hours ago

90s, 90s hip hop, citizen, folks, generation, heavy, heavy metal, hip, home, homes, hop, humor, i, kind, metal, music, nostalgia, old, old folks’ home, rap, senior, senior citizen, wait
I used to be cool, but now I just can’t wait to get on the couch by 7 p.m., in my pajamas, with a quilted blanket.

7 hours ago

aging, blanket, comfort, cool, couch, evening, humor, i, just, pajamas, relaxation, used, wait
“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

8 hours ago

again, communication, dog, God, hear, humor, i, quick, quick reply, relationship, reply, wait, waiting
I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

13 hours ago

bag, bags, buy, chanel, Chanel bag, excitement, friend, friends, i, luxury, me, random, shopping, spontaneous, treat yourself, Tuesday, wait
One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

17 hours ago

daughter, day, family, got, humor, husband, i, know-it-all, parenting, personality, personality traits, Sassy, say, traits, wait
The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”

19 hours ago

apology, everything, family, hear, humor, i, mom, parent, patience, realization, right, someday, sorry, truth, wait, words
If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

19 hours ago

advice, answer, bite, death, die, give, humor, joke, poison, should, simply, snake, sure, survival, wait
Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

20 hours ago

bad, bad screen, fatigue, good, good screen, home, looking, screen, screen fatigue, tired, wait
I really can’t wait until it all works out.

20 hours ago

anticipation, humor, i, optimism, patience, wait, waiting, works

For even more funny wait quotes, hit next 👇

All funny wait quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Telegram this month:

I do believe TikTok saves the funniest videos for late at night. There’s no way.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

You can fake an American accent all you want, but “literally” will expose you.

49 shares on Threads this month:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

I will never understand people who don’t gasp dramatically at rainbows.

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m like the Temu version of a well-functioning adult.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,363

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I’m just saying, no dog has ever ghosted me.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

I hate when I’m typing away, expecting autocorrect to have my back, and I look down and just see awjdbdmkskan.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

Live now on YouTube:

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Making waves on Threads:

What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?

Trending via WeChat:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Spotted on Slack:

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

Seen just now on Discord:

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

Going viral on X:

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

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