Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

This year has been the perfect blend of me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

“Machines will soon be as smart as people.” Ok, but which people?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,903

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

Going viral on X:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Just landed via Discord:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

Going viral on Discord:

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

Trending via Slack:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m in a long-distance relationship with the stars.

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

Going viral on Discord:

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

Going viral on Instagram:

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

More funny quotes 👇

In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

0

5 months ago

20, anyone, car, comparison, confusion, driving, fly, headlights, hop, humor, i, just, knows, minutes, movie, movie comparison, rental, rental car, spaceship, spent, star, Star Wars, trying, wars
Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

0

5 months ago

call, communication, Earth, frustration, horror, humor, i, just, me, message, missed, missed call, phone, screen, sorry, staring, technology, text, text message, why, wondering
Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

0

5 months ago

comet, escape, hope, hoping, humor, procrastination, responsibility
If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

0

5 months ago

back, humor, i, ID, karma, revenge, watch, witty
I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

0

5 months ago

coding, color, color coding, communication, emoji, emoji meaning, heart, heart emoji, humor, i, learn, meaning, means, refuse, relationship, want
Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

0

5 months ago

age, birthday, growing, growing up, humor, joke, life, man, men, why
Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

0

5 months ago

actually, astrology, demon, frustration, humor, Mercury, Mercury retrograde, midnight, retrograde, soul, wrap
“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

0

5 months ago

1990, 2003, age, both, flirting, humor, nostalgia, where, year
Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

0

5 months ago

40, attraction, coworker, distance, feet, hot, hours, humor, just, office, proximity, time, week, work
Gang members are so lucky to have something to do with their hands in photos.

0

5 months ago

funny observation, gang, gang member, hand, hands, humor, luck, lucky, member, observation, photo, photos, something

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

63 shares on Instagram this month:

Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

77 shares on Discord this month:

Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

13 shares on Slack this month:

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

67 shares on Discord this month:

It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

The thief who stole my iPhone could face time.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

Just landed via Telegram:

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

Making waves on Instagram:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Just landed via TikTok:

Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

Trending via Twitch:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

Going viral on Instagram:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

Trending via Facebook:

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨