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77 Funny away quotes

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

3 months ago

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

3 months ago

I hate when I’m typing away, expecting autocorrect to have my back, and I look down and just see awjdbdmkskan.

3 months ago

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

3 months ago

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

3 months ago

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

3 months ago

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

3 months ago

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

3 months ago

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

3 months ago

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

3 months ago

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

3 months ago

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

3 months ago

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

3 months ago

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

3 months ago

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

3 months ago

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

3 months ago

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

3 months ago

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

3 months ago

Might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry.

3 months ago

Patience is for beginners. I’d rather freak out straight away!

3 months ago