124 Funny away quotes

• There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

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  2 months ago

  Amazon, away, being, childhood, days, delivery, different, doors, driver, game, humor, knocking, names, play, running, used

• After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

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  2 months ago

  away, crime, entertainment, get away, humor, hundred, investigation, murder, paranoia, podcast, solve, start, ten, think, true, true crime

• Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

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  2 months ago

  away, care, dental, dental care, dentist, fool, hand, humor, irony, joke, keep, think, tools, toothbrush

• Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

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  2 months ago

  away, bird, fly, freedom, God, humor, i, me, people, poop, wish

• I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

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  2 months ago

  away, dreams, escape, humor, i, imagination, murder, plan, silly, wake

• Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

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  2 months ago

  alcohol, away, coping, drinking, escape, fun, humor, moving, problems, relaxation, run, want

• Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

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  2 months ago

  away, better, humor, i, isolation, much, people, relationships, socializing

• I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

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  2 months ago

  away, chores, experience, feel, grocery, humor, i, kids, never, parenting, put, recovery, take, today, traumatic, traumatic experience

• Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

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  2 months ago

  anticipation, away, back, communication, email, humor, person, response, right, send, waiting

• My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

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  2 months ago

  away, chess, eating, every, humor, look away, pieces, strategy, time

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